Let's start from the very begging I will just say this part of my childhood then move on to the present and then recall old things as we go.
Tw: sexual assualt
As a kid I was really happy and I was called smart and whatnot , I really loved my family (like my uncles and grandma and my grandma's brothers and sisters ).
When I started kindergarten i went to a public school , I had alot of friends and I was actually loved ,until I started going to school by that new bus.
Kids were mean.
I had one friend in that bus called adham .
We really got along and we would talk alot we were both in kindergarten 2 if you would call it that .
We were about 7 years old , and then some older kids would come and just bully the shit out of me .
I was a kid I didn't know what sex was I didn't know anything .
An older girl would get magazines and make me watch semi naked girls and she would point at their private parts and keep telling me " don't you wanna know what's under there" .
Her brother which was also alot older than me , would go out the window and say that I'm a pervert and I told him to stop, I shouted at him to stop.
I cried , every single day .
Going to school was hell , and adham was the only thing that was good about school.
Eventually someone in the bus told my mom that people were bullying me and I started going to school in a private car.
Fast forward to 1st grade (8 years old)
We were at my grandma's house when it first happened it was a family gathering and one of my relatives (she was a 17 year old girl ) told me , my brother and my cousin to go play a game with her.
It was called "the sleeping game" , we would go to the bed and whoever wakes up first loses.
It was okay at first but then she started touching me in the same bed where my brother and cosuin were lying down .
I was trying to push her away and then she told me to not make a sound or everyone will think I'm bad and no one would believe me.
I was just shocked , and a kid.
She then proceeded to take my hand and made me touch her.
All that while my family was outside.
My mom asked if I was okay and I said I was , I wish I told her.
After that , that girl just kept doing it everytime there was a family gathering.
She was a sick person who ruined my life.
I eventually got away from her I stuck next to one of my cousin's all the time and told her about what happened.
She was 13-14 at the time.
She then asked me how it felt to touch someone and I told her that it was horrible and disgusting.
But then she started touching me.
The one person I trusted with this started doing the same thing to me, I felt angry and betrayed .
I learned how to say no , and I fought and said no.
Sometimes I think it was my fault because I let it happen TWICE .
I never let anyone see my body or touch me till this day .
I hate hugging I hate kissing and I hate physical touch because it reminds me of what they did to me.
It can come from the people you trust the most , don't trust anyone.
