Sempiternal Alienation

An odd beginning.

"Don't look up, don't pay attention to them. Just keep walking, head down."
Those words zip through my head every day as I walk my school's halls. As I walk up to the lunch room for breakfast, I drop my earbuds, blaring the song "Anthem of the Lonely" into the empty room. I grabbed my food and sat down, not even looking up. I sat in silence alone and thought to myself, "Hello silence, my old friend. Thank you for accompanying me for this meal." As I picked up my breakfast pack, a loud burst of people came through the door. Four to be exact. Three I saw as my best friends and one whom I saw as... I don't know, the most beautiful girl I've seen. I've known her for years and she was a close friend. As my friends sat around me, I thought, "looks like I'll have to catch up with silence later." My friends and I talk for about 15 minutes until my food was cold and I hadn't even taken a bite. It was almost time for classes to start so I stood up, hiding my mouth with the neck of my pea coat and walked to the garbage, throwing my food away.
"What's wrong?" I heard behind me, a familiar voice. I turned around to see her, that girl, Chloe.
"Hmm? Oh, not hungry today." I said.
"That's what you say every day, you even skip lunch from what I hear." She said.
I let out a sigh and say, "Yeah, well let's get to class. We don't want to piss off the Band director."
"True, let's go." She said quickly.
We made our way to class, and practiced our music and such. As I walked out the door, I heard Chloe rush behind me, walking in silence, I said nothing to her. Not even before we parted for our different classes. As the day drug on and I skipped the evening meal, I just couldn't get the thought of, "Why... Why are you so stupid James. You know you don't have any chance, you promised yourself you would give up, don't even try." These words drone through my head, piercing through even the loudest music I had, non stop until I got home. I threw my bag down and fell face first into my bed. I lay for a solid twenty minutes before my leg is suddenly jolted back to life from my phone vibrating. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. It was her, she texted me. "Hey, what's up? I know you feel down, and you've not been yourself. I want to help, and I want to keep you from making a mistake." She said.
I unlock my phone and type, "Thanks for the concern, I'm truly grateful. Hey, do you want to skype? I don't wanna talk about it through texting."
"Okay." She replies.
I immediately get a phone call through my skype app. I open it up and start the video chat. We talked innocently at first, but then she asked the simple question of, "What's been on your mind?" All I could do was look down and think. "How... How do I tell her? Just... Okay, take a deep breath, don't panic. Three... Two... One..." I took in a deep breath, as if to speak the mind of everyone who has felt like me, alone.
"Chloe, I've been so cold lately because... Because I..." She stopped me.
"It's okay, we don't have to talk about it," she said,"I'll wait until you're ready."
My jaw hit the floor. It was in the tip of my tongue. My mind raced, "Tell her, Tell Her, TELL HER YOU LIKE HER!" I couldn't bring myself to do it. Weeks went on, loneliness and sorrow filled me as I spent countless days and nights staring at my white ceiling, thinking of her. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't think. She called me one day and said, "James, I'm really concerned. I really would like to know what's been bothering you so much that you're torturing yourself so badly."
My heart pounded. My hands shook, and my face went pale. I opened my shaking mouth and said, "Chloe... I... I like you. I want to be with you... I've been afraid all this time that I'm not good enough, that I'm not what you deserve." My hands were shaking terribly, she could see that, she could see that I meant every word of it.
"I... Don't know what to say," she said, "all I can say is, I'll think about it. Know this though, even if we aren't together, that doesn't mean that I don't care about you, you mean a lot to me, more than you can imagine. Just, calm down, get something to eat, and get some rest. Okay?"
"Okay... And, Chloe. Don't feel obliged to say yes for my well being, okay?" I said.
She said, "Okay." And we hung up.
I stood up and felt immensely dizzy. I walked to the bathroom and looked at my self, a mess. I dropped fifteen pounds from skipping meals and I looked like I hadn't slept a solid night in months. I did what I could. I grabbed a meal, went to bed and hoped for the best...