ᴀ sᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ's ᴅᴀʏ - Nick Miller

ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ

Cassy's eyebrows shot up as Nick walked into the room, looking a mess, and yelling into his cellphone. She, Winston and Schmidt were sitting calmly around the kitchen table.

"Yes, I'm confirming the appointment! I made the damn appointment! That's what- Why wouldn't- Yeah. Okay. Appointment confirmed. Thank you. Thank you very much." He said, shoving his phone in his pocket. "Yeah, there's not a chance I'm going."

"Can you not do this to yourself? Look at your hair. You look ridiculous." Schmidt said, frowning into his coffee.

"What am I supposed to talk about for an hour?" Nick asked, throwing his hands in the air.

"It's a haircut." Winston stated.

"No, you're trapped. You can't move, and they're standing behind you with their hands in your hair, and they expect you to talk back." Nick said, scowling. "Cassy, why can't you just do it?"

"Nick, I can do a lot of things, but cutting hair is not one of them." She said, smiling sympathetically. He groaned.

"Okay. I'll tell you what, man. Just come to my place." Winston offered.

"No. I'm not going to your barbershop, Winston. I've seen the movies, I know how fast they talk. I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do."

"Want to go to my salon?" Schmidt asked, smiling.

"Hey, guys." Jess said as she walked into the kitchen. "So, um... heads up, Paul's coming tonight, and I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree." Cassy's eyebrows shot up again. "I'm gonna be searching for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him." The guys cheered.

"Why are you telling us this?" Nick asked.

"'Cause I want to. I want to give you a heads up." Jess replied, shrugging. 

"You nervous?" Cassy asked.

"Need tips?" Schmidt asked.

"No, I'm not nervous. Just... you know. I can drive stick."

"Yeah? 'Cause it seems like you're freaking out a little bit. With this whole activity." Schmidt stated, gesturing in the air like a stick shift.

"That's not a stick, that's automatic." Winston protested.

"That's not automatic. Uh, Cassy? Will you come with Cece and I to... buy stuff?"

"Buy stuff?" Cassy asked, raising an eyebrow. Jess nodded. "Sure."

"Whatcha gonna buy?" Winston asked. Jess grabbed Cassy's hand, pulling her toward the door.

"Nothing!" Jess yelled, slamming the door behind them.

-

"Jess, what are we doing here?" Cece asked as Jess held up another pair of lacy white old lady underwear.

"You don't understand. You've never been cheated on before." Jess said. Cassy coughed dramatically, and Jess made a face. "Cece. Cece's never... sorry. It's just, Spencer and I never tried anything new and maybe if I'd been... more erotic..."

"Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk, not because you're bad in bed." Cece protested.

"Seriously, Jess, this is not necessary." Cassy said, gesturing to the store around them. Jess scoffed.

"You only say that because you two look like... that!" She pouted, gesturing to them both. Cece and Cassy exchanged a look. "It's been six years. Everything I know about sex I learned from Spencer or the Clinton impeachment trials." Cassy made a face, and Jess grabbed a random piece of lingerie of the wall and walked over toward the clerk.