ᴀ sᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ's ᴅᴀʏ - Nick Miller

ᴛʜᴇ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ

"What is that? What are you doing?" Schmidt shrieked as he and Winston walked into the bathroom. Cassy turned from her place beside Cece, one eyebrow done and one a little too Chewbacca. Jess was on the other side of Cece putting shaving cream on her armpits.

"Oh, hey guys. Do you have any hair you want removed?" Jess asked, waving her foam-covered hand. Cassy smiled as she turned back to the mirror with her tweezers.

"I must respectfully decline such a horribly depressing invitation." Schmidt replied, his lip curling in disgust as he watched them. Winston made a face. "I'm going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven't had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch. Now I know things, and I own things. Like this." He turned around, holding up a metal box that looked military-grade. It read 'The Archduke' across the front.

"What is that?" Jess asked.

"Oh, my god, that poor girl." Cece muttered, shaking her head. Cassy tried not to burst out laughing, putting her hand to cover her mouth.

"This is 'The Archduke'. The crowning achievement of the German Institute of Female Pleasure." Schmidt replied.

"Dude, this thing takes 16 single-A batteries." Winston stated, frowning at the box. Cassy laughed, shaking her head.

"I thought I threw that thing out the window." Cece grumbled.

"That only made it stronger." Schmidt replied victoriously.

"Oh, that reminds me. Daisy called and we're going out tonight. Yeah, she sounded pretty excited. I do believe her exact words were, 'This is your last chance.'" Winston said, making the girls giggle. Jess' phone began to ring, and she grimaced at her foam-covered hands.

"Hey, can you help me with my phone? I've got... uh..." She asked.

"Oh, you need help? Where's your women's lib now?" Schmidt asked. Cassy rolled her eyes, reaching over and grabbing it off of the edge of the sink.

"Oh, it's from Teddy! 'In town tonight, would love to see you. 9PM drinks?" She read aloud.

"Who's Teddy?" Nick asked, walking into the bathroom. 

"Yeah, what the hell, Jess?" Cassy asked, putting her phone back.

"Do you think I should meet him?" Jess muttered to Cece.

"Jess!" Cassy urged.

"Fine, look, um... I already regret this. Teddy took my flower." She explained.

"Wow! Yeah, he did!"

"What?"

"Ah, okay."

"Oooh!" They all chorused.

"You guys have to hear this story, though. It is the worst." Cece said, grinning ear-to-ear.

"No, no-" Jess protested.

"It's the worst! It's the worst." Cece insisted.

"I guarantee you it's not more embarrassing than the story of me losing my virginity." Schmidt countered.

"Yeah, Jess, my story is literally horrifying." Cassy pointed out.

"Okay, I promise you, my story is worse than all of yours." Jess insisted. "Prom night. 2000."

"What was the theme?" Schmidt asked.

"What were you wearing?" Cassy asked.

"Nobody cares about the theme." Nick said, shaking his head.