Are we too young for this?

-t-w-o-

I stare deep into my reflection. Shame washing all over me.

What is wrong with me?

I take a deep breath counting 1 2 3 4 5, before exhaling slowly. I do this a couple times more before I feel a little more relaxed.

I head out of the bathroom making my way back to my room. It feels good to be home. It feels comforting. I climb into my bed laying down in my sheets in my own bed. I close my eyes just wanting to rest for a second.

I'm not gonna sleep though. There is a lot I need to do right now. But I'm so comfy and-

ZZZ.

I'm suddenly awoken by my body be shaken awake. I groggily open my eyes to see a familiar face hovering over me. A face I know all too well. It's Drew. A huge smile is pinching at his cheeks as I wake up.

I sit up wrapping him into a hug.

"Dude what are you doing here?" I exclaim very excited to see him.

"Well if you would've answered your phone you would know that I couldn't wait to see you so I just came over" he played poking me in the side.

"I really missed you bro" I say with all seriousness.

"I missed you too, but you're all better now so no need to worry!" He replies making me think back to earlier. I almost relapsed on my first day back. Guilt hangs in my stomach making it feel heavier than usual.

Drew must have seen my expression change because he proceeds to ask me what's wrong. And I can't lie to him. So I tell him about what I did. Or what I almost did.

"But you didn't, you stopped yourself. I'm proud of you. You are trying and I can see that. Also please don't relapse I don't think I could go without seeing your dork ass again!" He jokes trying to lighten the mood.

As happy as I was to be with my best friend again. To have his support and to hang out like no time had past, there was still a question hanging in the back of my mind that I really wanted to ask him. That I needed to ask.

"How is he?" I question seeing the smile fade a little bit from Drew's face.

"He's good. He actually comes back tomorrow..." Drew replies seemingly holding something back but I wasn't going to press it so I just reply with that's good.

Grayson is Drew's brother, and my ex. He has been away at boarding school for the past 3 months. A boarding school he was sent to because of me and he was coming back tomorrow. I don't know if I will be able to face him after what he did for me, if anything that is the most guilt I have.

Drew changes the subject and we go on to hanging out and catching up. Being the same us as we always have been.

After a couple of hours drew finally leaves and I'm left with my thoughts. The events of the day Grayson protected me playing over and over again in my head.

Flashback:

"Are you fucking serious Mateo!" Grayson yells catching my attention.

"Why does it matter to you?! We broke up remember? I'm not your responsibility anymore!" I yell back mad that he has the audacity to ruin my high right now.

I don't think I have ever seen Grayson so hurt and mad before. His brows were furrowed and his jaw clenched so hard I thought it was about to break. He gets closer to me grabbing ahold of my wrist.

He leads me out of the people swarmed house. The music fading as we exit outside. I try to resist but there is no use, he is a million times stronger than me so I give in.

We get halfway down the block before he finally loosens his grip and let's me go, turning around to face me.

"Do you have any of it on you?!" He presses. I shake my head no, pretty unconvincing because he proceeds to dig his hands in my pockets.

I try to push him off but he pulls out the bags of drugs I had stuffed in my pockets. Pills, weed, coke.

"What the fuck Mateo!" He exclaims gripping onto the bags and waving them in my face. Before I can even yell back all I see is blue and red lights start flashing behind him as a car pulls up next to the sidewalk where we were standing.

Fuck.

The officer gets out of the vehicle approaching us with his eyes on the bags in Grayson s hands.

End of flashback.

He took the fall for me. He protected me. And what did I do? I let him.

He was sent to boarding school for 3 months as the better choice between that or time in juvie. You would think I would have learned my lesson after that but no. I stayed using and a couple weeks later I ended up overdosing and going to rehab.

The reason I can't face him is just that. He took the fall for me and it was pointless all because I couldn't control myself. He wasted three months of his life because of me. How am I supposed to face him? Knowing that I did that to him. How could he forgive me?