Unsollicited

Twenty One

Jin comes home, and opens the door to be met with the sight of her sitting on the couch, openly doing her knitting and listening to music with earpods in her ears, softly humming. As he looks at this scene, she looks up and he faces the big round glasses and the loose hair that is slightly wild. Only before her eyes leave his gaze and focus back on her knitting. "Oh, you came? Welcome home." She just answers and focuses back on her work. Jin smirks. This is a different side of her. And yes, she is doing boring stuff, but somehow she looks more relaxed.

Jin has found a new meaning to his feelings. He still isn't ready to show it to Allison yet, but his talk with Namjoon and his letting go of all his frustration clearly made his soul lighter. He has something to get to work for now. He walks to the kitchen and grabs a snack and some drinks. He puts them on the table, shoves one glass towards Allison and the snacks in between them as he kneels next to the table on her other side and opens his laptop after shoving away some of her sketches, which are beautiful. She glances at what he's doing to them, and once she sees he just respectfully shoves them aside or organizes them on a stack to make space for him, she relaxes and focuses back on her knitting.

Jin works while the soft ticking of her needles relaxes him in the background. She grabs her drink and sips as if it's the most natural thing to do. Jin leans on his arm and hand and his eyes start to stare off into nothing, but unfortunately it's on her. She looks up when she finishes a row and is surprised to see him stare at her all dreamy. He is thinking about the thing Namjoon said and doesn't see her staring back at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she says and Jin is startled as he breaks out of his zoning out spell. "uh? what?" He answers a bit taken aback. "You were staring a hole in me." "Was I? I was just zoning out, sorry." Jin apologizes before realizing he is apologizing. Wait, why am I apologizing? He thinks in surprise.

Even Allison looks big eyed at him. Jin acted normal for once. "Jin, I-" "Allison, I-" Both of them tried to say something but stopped at the same time, trying to let the other go first. Eventually Jin takes the leeway and starts off. "Allison, I need to tell you something." Allison nods and puts her knitting away. She folds her legs under her and faces Jin this time.

"I...I have always loved myself... But the me you saw and that both of us hate, that is also me... And I didn't love that me. I mean... I didn't like that me. That me only came to life when you came into my life. What I'm trying to say is..." Jin hesitates a bit. "I didn't truly hate you. I hated that you brought this out to me. And I probably projected that hate on you. And I want to apologize. I can only love someone else, when I love myself. And I thought I loved myself, and that the me I became with you wasn't my true me. But truth be told, that me was also me. It was just dormant. You woke it up. And so... I can't love you. I'm sorry."

Allison was hopeful that this confession would lead to an open heart about them as a couple, but the last words shot her down. Again. She frowns and is getting pissed again, just as she is about to grab her knitting, she hears Jin continue.

"How can I love someone else, if I don't love myself? My full self?"

That sentence rang so loud to her, because that's exactly the realization she had today too. "Oh Jin!" So he does want to love me... Jin looks up. "Jin, I wanted to tell you that I decided to put me loving you on hold for now because I want to truly find myself too, and love myself more. That's why my hobbies are now prominent here in sight. I was tired of hiding the me I am from you. I decided that when I wanted to be loved back by you and love you more, I needed to love myself first too!" Jin looks around. "Oh, that's why everything is out and about. Well, since both of us are on a quest to find ourselves again, we should support each other at least and respect each other." Allison nods. Finally both of them are on the same path, walking. Another dark streak appears, this time a big chunk on their side, framing one side of their face. They point at each other in awe as they saw it happening.