I tried going to bed after thinking about all of that. I tossed and turned for hours.
But Sleep never found me.
So by 430am. I was in the office organizing all of Dr. Moore's patient files. He usually asks me to do this monthly as a way to keep up with his record of patient success rates.
But I figured I'd get a head start. This is the quietest time around the office anyway. I get way more done, with less distractions and complaining.
Giselle hates this part of our job. She says it's too boring. But I disagree. It's just detailed. You get to look at the details of how these Dr's are who their titles proclaim them to be. But I guess I can understand her reasoning. She does work for a psychologist who isn't known for being as successful with his client services.
Dr. Moore on the other hand... I can't say the same. He's a beast at this counseling thing and has the thickest patient load in the practice.
I talk my shit about him to her to keep the distance between me and my real thoughts about him. But he's great at his job.... The way people come into here with their chests tight, guards up as high as the sky sometimes... they never leave that way.
They're always better than who they came in as. I've seen the bougie, the mean, the crazy, even thugs come in here and be broken down by the day when dealing with this man. Down to the way that they even schedule their appointments. They go from "so I gotta pay him first before I even get to talk to the man?" to "Can I come now? I have to see him as soon as possible ... I'll pay the extra price".
The longest I've seen the transition be is a matter of months . And only the hardest patients take that long. I guess that's why he owns one of the Largest Counseling Practice in the south.
Makes me wonder how? What really goes on in those 4 walls that changes people like that.
Not that I'd ever find out. Especially not after last week. The look of disappointment in his eyes as he called me out for not being real with him ....
I've yet to put my fingers on this thing that I have when it comes to him. What the hell is it about him that makes me lose my guard so damn easily.... I actually wanted to believe him. Knowing that I know better. Especially when it comes to a man like him. Someone with his amount of power and success. Good looks and intelligence? He could have any woman he wants.... What the hell could he ever want from me?
Right?
But Here I am, thinking about him. He's crossed my mind more times than I'll ever mention to anyone.
I've been unable to actually face him since our little episode.... So I've been coming in early, completing his appointments and my duties extremely well and ahead of time. Leaving before he has the chance to say anything to me.
But whenever I'm at a good enough distance to not be caught, my eyes have been all over him.
I know that he would never see me for more than a nice opportunity to flirt at work, maybe a little more if I bring enough to the table. But Then he'd be done with me before I can even wrap my head around the fact that it happened..... I'd be out of a job. And my damn dignity. So no....... I gotta keep my distance and keep my eyes on the ground as much as I can.
But this morning apart of me is craving his presence. His conversation. His concern. Or whatever it was one more time.. Just so I can feel something different than what these past few weeks have made me feel.
"Get it together Ena. He was just being nice." I try to convince myself.. It didn't help. Half an hour later, I lifted my head from one of the files I was reading to look at the door of his office. I knew he wasn't there.
