The week went by uneventful. Different than I thought it would since I came so close to spilling myself to Dr. Moore.
Well, Dmitry.. or whoever he claimed to be in that moment.
I kept my composure at the time, but I've never been close enough to smell how his lips would taste on mine. I did that morning.
The lack of sex mixed with my curiosity almost got the best of me. But I was able to tuck it away then, and everyday this week since. That is until today.
It's the last Friday of the month, and he typically prefers that him, Trent, and me meet up at the end of the day to discuss profit and the success rates of his clientele.
But before that, I had to come and drop off his last files I had to add to the stack.
I couldn't even get too caught up in his attire for the sake of trying to be professional, but he smelled edible. It's gonna be hard sitting only inches away from that for over an hour. But here goes nothing.
"Okay, here's the rest of it," I say sliding the stack of folders across his desk to him. I was trying to have a good tone so he doesn't have to wonder about how I've been.
He doesn't budge at first. Just slowly eases his eyes from mine to the stack before him. But also leaving them a little too long on my waist.
What you looking at?
I dared myself to ask. But I was too damn shy to bring it out.
" Impressive..." he finally mouths after giving me the longest silent treatment ever while he read through. I finally take my seat in acceptance.
It's like he gets off on trying to make me sweat.
But I didn't. Not again. Not that easily.
"Thank you..." I mouthed, then moved on to my next thing to do. As if he was no longer sitting there.
Going through my bag, I pull out my MacBook, ready to annotate whatever he tells me to when Trent arrives.
He gets up. And I finally exhale when he's far enough to his door. I thought he was going to leave out for a second for a call as he normally does before we begin. But instead he shuts the door, leaving the room to just him and I.
Wasting no time he breaks the silence by saying,
"Glad to see that your mouth still works. The whole silent treatment thing had me worried."
And just like that my day was made.
I don't understand what it is about his opinion that sways my entire mood. But Everyday since our encounter earlier this week, I've been feeling some type of way. I didn't want to at all. But the more I said forget about it, he was just being nice. The more I couldn't get the fact that I was so close to being who I wanted to be with him — in that moment — out of my head.
My real self.
I don't let people see me for my truest. Because, in Essence, I'm a mess. Giselle is the only one that knows that about me. She's peeled back a good bit of my layers, but even for her it's only what I've been able to show. Nothing more.
I've never really had anyone that even wanted to know me. So I try not to reveal anything to anyone that would make me less wanted by them, I guess. It's my only way that I can protect myself from the disappointment. I don't purposely hold back from her, but if she doesn't ask, I don't tell. And I do everything I can to keep anyone from wanting to dig deeper.
