I didn't fall in love all at once.
I can't tell you if it was during the winter. When your cheeks were flushed red and your nose ran.
If it was autumn, when you crushed falling leaves under your feet and giggled at the sounds.
During spring when you screamed at the butterflies that landed on you and rolled in the grass.
Or summer when you unbuttoned your shirt, letting the cool breeze trail over bare skin.
I can tell you that I fell in love in darkness.
When I shut the door between us and could let myself feel without your prying eyes and distracting sounds.
When I could let my mind wander over you. Taking in the details that I forced myself to skip over in your presence.
This love wasn't ours, it was mine.
A love that wasn't quite love yet.
It was a flower only just starting to bloom. Snowfall that didn't quite cover the ground.
When you left. My love didn't stop growing.
It turned bitter in my mouth but the flowers kept sprouting in my throat. I coughed and I sputtered but the taste of you didn't leave.
Even when I tried stripping myself clean of you, burrying my heart in an empty grave, placing the rotting flowers of my love in the place where you should have been ...
And you moved on with your life.
Because this love wasn't ours, it was mine.
A love that wasn't quite love yet.
I didn't realise that the living could haunt you.
I didn't realise that my love was a cliff and every time I let my eyes flicker over you. Every secret glance I took. Every hidden sigh and shy smile was another push towards the edge.
And when I fell. You weren't there.
And I hit the ground so hard that I think it broke me.
YOU ARE READING
The diary of Seth Alexander
Non-Fictionas the title suggests, this is legit going to be my diary. and yes, most diaries are supposed to be secret, but I have always been an open book. I like to pretend to be mysterious, but the people around me will all tell you that I am am someone who...
