I talk about myself like I would a stranger because there's not much I actually know about him.
I know he smokes cigarettes, pulling faces as he inhales because he doesn't actually like the taste.
How he drinks his weight in alcohol, only to stumble down drunk because he can't actually hold his liquor.
How he spends money he doesn't have.
Smiles through gritted teeth.
He could quite easily fade into the background, but he speaks when spoken to and never complains about drawn-out conversations and being stuck in one place for too long.
He laughs nervously, tucks a piece of hair behind his ear, smiles as they talk at him and not to him.
He stays silent because he knows that when he speaks, no one really listens.
He chats nonsense because he knows that nobody actually cares about the words, just that he's smiling and giggling with that flirty tone of voice that he's grown to fit himself around.
He wears a short top and short skirt or a short dress, covering himself with jackets because he doesn't actually like how they look on him or how they make him feel.
He takes his time applying makeup to feel pretty, only to end up distorted, wearing the mask he thinks that others want to see.
He sees how they look at him when he cuts his hair short and wears baggy shirts and torn up jeans and says his name like they'd actually care what he calls himself.
I look at him like a stranger because he doesn't recognise himself. So, I don't recognise myself.
I think about the blue shoes that sit at the bottom of my wardrobe.
I think about the colour yellow.
I think about car rides with the windows rolled down
I think about rainstorms and thunder.
Walking through forests at 3am with a cigarette between my lips.
I only smoke when I'm stressed, and lately, I've been having a cigarette every night.
I have one when I get off work.
I have one before I see my friends.
I have one before I check my reflection.
I peel off the mask and see him.
I look at him like a stranger, another cigarette to end the day.
YOU ARE READING
The diary of Seth Alexander
Non-Fictionas the title suggests, this is legit going to be my diary. and yes, most diaries are supposed to be secret, but I have always been an open book. I like to pretend to be mysterious, but the people around me will all tell you that I am am someone who...
