⚠️ Dysphoria ⚠️
When you're a feminine trans guy, people constantly question your identity, which in turn, makes you question it too.
You put on a pretty dress and suddenly you're not a real boy anymore.
You put on some makeup and suddenly you're identity becomes null and void.
I don't hate she/her pronouns. Sometimes they're even funny, but when you don't correct people they assume they can use them all of the time.
But I am not a woman. You see me as woman-lite because of my femininity. Because I don't fall apart when I get misgendered. Because I feel pretty in a dress.
You assume I don't get dysphoric. That I'm just going through a phase. That I'll be your little girl again, because you don't actually see me as a boy.
I can ignore the pain I'm in, so you ignore it too, but I am in pain.
I never look at my body for too long because the curves and the folds and the soft shapes make me want to die.
I cringe at the sound of my own voice, but I laugh it off and pretend it doesn't bother me.
The roundness of my face, the way I walk, how I talk, the way I curl in on myself as I sleep, how my voice pitches up when I'm excited, the way I smile, the way I cry, the way I laugh.
Everything hurts all of the time, but you will never see it because I feel pretty in a dress.
Because I am a feminine trans guy and therefore my transness is invalid.
YOU ARE READING
The diary of Seth Alexander
Non-Fictionas the title suggests, this is legit going to be my diary. and yes, most diaries are supposed to be secret, but I have always been an open book. I like to pretend to be mysterious, but the people around me will all tell you that I am am someone who...
