Opia / D.M 18+

N U L L I T Y

{The state of nonexistence}

✧✦✧ 

~Amethyst~

"I need to talk to you two," I finally spoke after putting it off for too long. 

The girls had very strong opinions about Draco, and I hated they thought that it was all his fault. I hated that he thought they had picked sides. I needed him to realise that it wasn't a one-sided argument, it was a choice that I made and I hated myself for it. The days of the week went by agonisingly slowly and I had put off talking to almost everyone apart from Luis. Nothing seemed very interesting, I mostly sat in silence and distanced myself from the world around me. 

Saturday night—I would have to talk. 

Saturday night was being held in our dorm, I longed for the spliffs I had bought, I longed to feel free and not restrained. I wanted more than anything to feel like I was floating, I was already floating through the days in silence, but actually feeling as if you're as light as air itself was something else. I pulled Jaz and Blaire onto my bed so I could talk to them.

They looked surprised at my sudden voice. I held onto their arms as they slowly took their seats on the bed. They looked at each other with confused eyes, wondering why I was speaking to them after being silent for nearly a week. It had taken a while for me to figure out what I wanted to say to them, how I would explain everything. I never wanted to bring it up, I never wanted to be reminded of what had happened, but I knew it was bound to happen. 

"You two need to stop picking sides. Dra- Malfoy didn't do anything wrong," I finally spoke.

Their expressions dropped instantly, as if they were disappointed in me for some unknown reason. They looked towards my hands, as if they were thinking the same things as each other. I knew they would try to retaliate, and I didn't want them to. It wasn't his fault, I knew that. Luis had told me, and I would always believe him no matter what. 

"Ames," Jaz started, "You don't have to defend him-"

"I'm not defending him, Jaz." I dropped her hand almost instantly, anger starting to wash over me, "I'm saying he didn't do anything wrong-"

"He did though—he kissed Greengrass when he was with you-"

"For fuck sake, Jasmine—" I spoke through a laugh of disbelief. How could she not see that it wasn't him? Why was she so against him? "I know he didn't, I was the one who ripped us both apart by choosing to end things. If anything, I was the one who made everything worse!" 

Blaire placed her hand over mine, sparking a feeling of coolness from her cold skin, "It's okay, Ames. We'll stop being awful," she looked to Jaz pointedly, "to him." She smiled while I gave a slow thankful nod. 

Jasmine rolled her eyes and I took both my hands away. I was getting used to being touched by them, but I didn't particularly like holding their hands if it wasn't his. His hands were large, his fingertips were rough after playing the guitar for so long. He was comforting and kind and it all showed in his hands. The roughness of his fingertips showed his exterior expression, but how he held my hand so close and tight showed how possessive and protective he was. 

How loving he was. 

Blaire and Jaz did the final touch-ups on the room before the boys came. Crabbe and Goyle were the first to show up and instantly handed me a joint. I gave them a tired smile, the week had felt so long. The single hit I took gave me the most feeling I'd had that week. It filled my senses and took control of everything around me. I never wanted to go back.