Sweetheart Single

21 | Cupid's Diner

Lion's Diner is dead, replaced by an entirely new place altogether. It's completely transformed since the last time I was in here (buzzed, toasted, and lit post adventures at High House). A makeshift sign added overtop of Lion's Diner now says Cupid's Diner.

Sounds about right.

Red and pink streamers hang from the ceiling and cross above our heads. Red confetti is strewn across the floor. All the windows are plastered with heart and flower stick-ons. It's all giving the whole room a pink glow.

Nikki picks a booth against the side wall and we all pile in.

I pull out my phone to see a text from Carter telling me he's heard about the ganache incident and asking if I'm mildly embarrassed or violently humiliated.

"Fundraiser is over," Lucy says, checking her phone and putting it on the laminate tabletop. "Darren's meeting us here."

I order a black and white milkshake with a large side of curly fries. Gimmie all the comfort foods right now.

The diner fills up as more people filter in post fundraiser. I worry I will see Shawn or Jake, but then I remember Shawn probably went back to his off-campus football house and Jake wouldn't be caught dead in the school diner. Much too norm core for him.

"Scoot over, girl," Darren says to me, arriving at our table.

Darren removes his hat and fresh snow falls to the tabletop, pooling in sudden puddles.

"Ugh! Started snowing again?" Nikki asks. "Will it ever let up?"

"Maybe in March," Chloe grins, fluffing up her pixie hair.

Raj arrives, carrying a large brown tray of food and a variety of milkshakes. Everyone digs in, ravenous after the fancy food and abysmal portions of Fig.

"I don't mind this snow. If you think this is bad, you should see Buffalo." Nev shakes her head. "Positively miserable."

"I'm miserable," I groan under my breath.

"Honey," Lucy babies me. "We will sort this all out."

"Yes. In fact, I already have your answer," Nikki says, already slurping down her own chocolate shake.

"Oh?" I ask, popping a curly fry into my mouth.

"Dump them all. Yes, even Harry. Sure, he's so hot, but he's too international. It'll never work. You know it." Nikki smiles. "Dump them all and then we'll find you someone new."

"Your solution is to add a fourth guy into the competition!?" Lucy laughs for me.

"Luce, it's not a competition," I say, defending myself. It's not.

"I say you date them all. And tomorrow, allot one dance a piece to each. Like speed dancing dating," Nev adds her two cents.

"Ooo, I like that idea. I pick that one." Darren rubs his hands together, gleeful.

"I'm glad you're enjoying this," I say, annoyed.

"What do you like about each of them?" Chloe asks. "Maybe write it all down. Like a list."

"Yes. Visual aids," Lucy says. "They always help."

"Making a list would not help, especially when someone inevitably sees it," I counter.

"How about we ask questions, and you answer with names. Just with a name," Nikki says. "And don't worry, I'll overlook that one of these dumbos is my brother."

"What do you mean answer with a name?"

"For example," Lucy chimes in. "Who is the best kisser?"

"Luce!" I smack her arm.

"Yea, that's too soon. How about... Who do you think of first when you wake up?" Lucy asks.

"Um," I bite my lip. Who do I think about first when I wake up?

"Who is the funniest?" Chloe asks.

"Yes! That's good, who makes you laugh the most?" Nikki echoes.

"They each have unique humor," I admit, shrugging. It's true that I laugh easily with Shawn, and sarcastically with Jake, and then playfully with Harry.

"Who is smartest?" Nev asks.

"Um–"

"Can they all read? You need a reader," Lucy says confidently.

"Definitely need a reader for Elle," Nikki nods. "I'm not sure Jake can read or write now that I think about it."

"He can read." I feel the urge to defend Jake to his twin. Our cozy coffee shop session springs to mind.

"But who do you have most in common with?" Chloe asks.

"What about conversation? Who's got the best chops?" Lucy tilts her head, waiting.

"Girl, you're not giving names!" Darren scolds me.

"Guys! You aren't giving me time to answer!" I laugh nervously. "I don't see how this is going to help me sort it out."

"Oh, honey, it's not. This isn't an intervention," Darren says matter-of-factly. "No. No. It's a game!"

"I don't want to make it a game, Darren. Ugh!" I sigh, exasperated.

We stay at the diner until 11 PM, ditching before it gets too rowdy with the late-night drunk crowd.

I exit the diner into the familiar chill, feeling somehow even worse than before. At least I got some good fries out of it. The truth is that listening to my friends' (unsolicited) advice wasn't helpful at all. But all the time I spent tuning them out, I was racking my brain and heart for some real answers.

I envisioned the next couple months and played out a bunch of scenarios in my head. I was very careful to pay attention to who else was acting out those scenarios with me.

The truth is that I am a different version of me, of Elle, when I am with Jake, Shawn, and Harry. I like all the versions. It's just –I'm not sure which version I like best. I realize it doesn't make sense. It lacks logic.

Logic tells me if I can't sort out whom I like best, then the answer should be no one. I should choose myself! But I cannot navigate all the overlapping feelings I have!

Mainly I don't want to miss out on a real, solid relationship all because I'm too scared to focus on the one I really want. All because I am too worried about hurting the two other boys' feelings.

As I plop into my bed, I can't help but wish my college wasn't hosting a Valentine's Day dance. If it wasn't for this whole hyped up romantic atmosphere, none of this would even be happening! Harry wouldn't even be here!

Do all my problems boil down to the dance?

Maybe, maybe not. But I'm going to blame the dance anyway.