𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐀'𝐒 𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐁

XXVII

"You tripping," I smacked my lips, walking into the hotel room.

All I could do was turn my nose up at him in disgust. I just don't understand how you can really hurt the people you claim to love. I could only imagine what he'd do to me if it came down to it. Do I just stick to my original plan and leave?

"How?" Killa scoffed and shut the door behind us.

He moved with ease, stepping towards me with his male gaze captivating my feminine essence. I felt caged in with this glance.

He unbuttoned the cuffs on his dress shirt sleeve. His eyes magnetized onto mine instantly. "Enlighten me,"

"Why would you put Boog through that? That's not how you treat family, that shit is wrong and you know it," I shifted my body weight onto my right leg as I placed my arms across my chest.

"Babygirl, let me be the first to inform you that you don't know the first thing to the relationship I have with Boog. You don't have to like the way I handle things and I don't owe you an explanation," he stepped closer to me, towering over me as his eyes pierced into my soul.

"You didn't have to do that. And don't ever pull no shit like that on my behalf. Like ever, I never asked you to do that,"

"I know," he pointed towards my chin, resting it on his index finger.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow and frowned.

"I missed you," he smirks, staring passionately into my eyes.

"Mhm," I broke eye contact.

"What's up? You got an attitude or what?"

"I just don't like what you did, it turned me off,"

"Well, I understand and I can't expect you to understand the way that I am. I grew up in an environment that enables behavior like that. I can't change who I am because you don't like it. I'm only acting out what I've learned," he shrugged his shoulders.

Obviously, this was just a repeating cycle. Killa received the same treatment he gave Boog but that doesn't make it right. He's so intense and I could only imagine all he's been through.

Killa doesn't normally talk about his upbringing or the relationship with his family. The only real family I know he has is Boog, and he treats him like shit sometimes.

But why does Boog put up with it?

"You don't have to keep living in your past. The money won't take your problems away. If you never address them they'll always be there, and you just drown out your life with material things so you can forget about the shit that's happened to you. Why don't you ever open up? You never thought about therapy?"

"I never really had time to sit down and think about if anything was wrong with me. There was so much going on in my life that I never checked on myself. I guess I just brushed shit off like it never mattered, became numb, and tried my best to move on," He bit down on his bottom lip and trailed his next steps toward the edge of the bed.

He sat down and continued to strip down to his white tank-top.

"When life is hell, you create your own heaven, and sometimes forget you're still in hell," he shook his head trying to piece his thoughts together. "Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I had to do the same thing when I was younger," I twisted my lips to the side and sat down next to Kilante.

"What was your upbringing like?" He leaned onto my arm briefly.

"Lonely." The word just drifted out of my mouth without a second thought.

"My mom had better things to do. I didn't get to meet many of my family members and I was told I had siblings all over because of her custody battles from before I was born but I don't know how true that is. Kids will believe anything, right?"

"So, your mom wasn't present. What about your father?"

"What about him?" He didn't care to claim me. I just felt rejected by everyone my entire life,"

"I'll always choose you,"

"You're just saying that," I roll my eyes

"I don't say things I don't mean, I,"

I just glanced down at my hands, I could feel the nerves in my body getting out of whack. I had to center myself before I spiraled out of control.

I had to nod for my response, I couldn't come up with anything to say that would atleast make sense.

"I really like having you around, you're the greatest gift to me. And I did snap on Boog, I can admit my anger levels can sometimes put me on edge. But it's just something about protecting you, I feel like if anything were to happen to you I wouldn't know what to do with myself. No, I probably shouldn't have took that out on Boog. Now that I'm really looking at it, I took things too far,"

"Sounds like you need to be telling him this,"

"I will, I know right now wouldn't be the best time t-,

I cut him off, "Now would be a perfect time. You don't just wait around to apologize, especially if you know you're wrong. He deserves that from you atleast,"

"I've never apologized before, I know that sounds crazy but I don't ever feel bad about anything that I do. I have a hard time feeling and expressing my emotions so when I do shit to others it doesn't affect me in any way,"

"What do I say?" He looked over to me.

In my head, I was shaming him. You're Thirty years old and you don't know how to apologize? I mean there's just some shit we never learn but to be a billionaire, I would expect him to have more class and decency for others but what do I know?

"Speak from your heart, if you feel bad about what you did an apology won't be hard. There's nothing worse than a fake apology. Just say what you feel you would need to hear if you were in his shoes," I shrugged hoping that this advice was helping rather than hurting.

He just sighed deeply and laid back on the bed. "This hurts,"

"Why does it hurt, Kilante?"

"If I'm gonna apologize, it's not gonna just be because of what happened today. I've done so much to that boy. He missed out on his entire life because of me and I'm responsible for a lot of pain and trauma he's experienced. I was his supposed to be a role model, he looked up to me, and I just let him down," He shook his head and just stared up at the ceiling. 

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