Don't Go There

just you

[a/n: this fic was recently rewritten entirely. if the comments don't make sense that's why!]

       You were running late; you hoped since Alex had made it sound like there'd be plenty of people there that he wouldn't notice you were late. It wasn't like it was some huge important date, just his dad's birthday gathering, right? You were applying a little more concealer, dabbing furiously under your eyes when Aunt Juniper appeared in the mirror behind you chewing on some Swedish Fish.

"Look at you getting all fancy," she commented between bites. "Who's the guy?"

"Not a guy," you scoffed. "Alex. Remember him from around the corner of my old house?"

"Ohh Alex," she nodded. "The one who's loved you since you guys were like two feet tall."

You froze in place and looked behind yourself in the mirror at Aunt Juniper skeptically, "Yeah right. I always liked him more, he didn't care when I left, and I can tell he doesn't like me like that now."

"Someone's in denial," she said in a singsong tone, dragging out the last word.

"Definitely am not," you began putting your mess of makeup away, zipping it into the little bags you'd brought it all in. The truth was, you didn't even want to admit to your own feelings, let alone try to psychoanalyze Alex to learn his.

"Okay," she shrugged eating one last candy, then resealed the yellow bag. "Then I'd love to know why for years after you left, 70% of the time when I'd drive by your house he'd be sitting alone in the front lawn."

She gave you one last told you so look before disappearing into the hallway again to let you finish up what you needed to do. That was definitely surprising news to you. He'd seemed so careless when you'd say goodbye to him; had he really missed you that much? Well, in any case you figured he'd be over all that by now. Besides, you guys didn't have time for anything deeper than a few friendly visits. Unfortunately.

~

    You texted Alex the minute you put your car in park as close to his house as possible, letting him know you were outside. He texted back to come on in, and that he'd be there to greet you asap. You followed the familiar concrete pathway to his front door, and let yourself in like he said. The main door was already open, only the glass one was shut, which had fogged over from the vastly different temperatures inside vs out. There were about as many people there as you expected: roughly twenty. It didn't sound like a lot, but the house wasn't huge. You waved hi to Alex's parents, who didn't seem to mind your being there, and wished his dad a happy birthday from across a table. You found a quiet corner away from the crowds that had formed, and became a wallflower. You were there fifteen minutes before you finally saw Alex appearing at the end of the hallway.

"Y/N, hey," he waved excitedly to you, brushing some curls out of his face.

"Hey party animal," you quietly joked. "Where ya been?"

"I'm so sorry, my cousins are here from New York; apparently they've been dying to play me on the new air hockey table." you nodded, and it was clear he felt guilty. "Look, soon as this game is over, I wanna hangout with you. Just you." You finally looked back up at him, failing to fight a small smile, and nodded with acceptance.

"Oh, before I forget," you reached into your backpack purse. "Here are your clothes back." You handed him his neatly folded, freshly washed outfit back that he'd let you wear yesterday.

"I didn't think you'd actually give them back," he looked almost disappointed -- confused if nothing else -- and took them reluctantly. "You could've kept them."

You mentally kicked yourself; god you wish you'd known that.

"Alex come on man you're up!" a male voice called from the end of the hallway.

You pressed your lips together then repeated, "You're up."

He looked down the hallway, then back at you, "I'll be back real soon, okay?"

You gave him a weak smile and gestured to the hall for him to rejoin his cousins. Once he was gone again, you sighed and hoped he meant soon when he said it. After ten more minutes of scrolling on your phone, you saw someone approaching in your peripheral: a familiar face from great aunt Clara's funeral. Michael Langdon.

"Hey," he seemed pleasantly surprised to see you. "What are you doing here? You know Mr. Daniel?"

You offered a small smile in return and said, "I used to. How do you know him?"

"He was a teacher of mine," he explained. "I was his favorite."

"I see," you nodded with polite interest. "Nice."

He nodded, then looked around to see if anyone else was listening in before leaning down to ask you, "Do you want to take a short walk with me? I know where the prettiest lights on the block are."

You blinked a few times with hesitation. You wanted to wait for Alex, but he was clearly busy, and you'd already been sitting here alone for almost half an hour in total. Christmas was in less than a week-- figured you might as well do something festive.

You rose from your seat, "Why not?"

The blond boy seemed very pleased with himself, and led you to the coat rack where he'd help you find yours and get it on. He guided you out of the house then, and his hand on your lower back was unexpected, but not completely unwelcome.

~

    Well, Michael had been right: these lights really were beautiful. You two had walked together to the biggest house on the block which sat alone at the very end, and was the only one with a garage. It had an archway that was strung with fluorescent blues and whites, holiday inflatables that actually didn't look tacky, and their very own real, enormous evergreen tree in the front yard. It was decorated as it would've been inside a house. The front yard was surrounded by a rocky wall-like structure that was only knee height, perfect for sitting.

"Wow," you looked over it all in awe. "In my neighborhood back home nobody really gets festive and decorative like this."

Michael's brows came together, "Back home?"

"Well, I guess this is my home," you began with a one shouldered shrug. "But my family moved from here when I was nine. This is the first time I've been back since then." You plopped down on the concrete wall, as did Michael.

"So, I guess it wouldn't matter then if you're.. seeing someone or not," he peeked hopefully out of the corner of his eye, sitting closer to you than a typical acquaintance would. For a split second, your heart sped; no guy had ever been quite that direct with you. It was a nice change of pace, and refreshing after feeling so rejected by Alex recently.

"Afraid not," you answered downheartedly. "I mean, I am single, but I live like fifteen hours away and long distance isn't really my thing."

He seemed to ponder for a couple seconds, then asked, "Why'd you come back? Ms. Clara's passing?"

You nodded, saddened by the reminder. The guilt you'd been fighting for weeks was suddenly drowning you. You felt so bad that you hadn't visited her in so long before she passed. Sure you'd called her here and there, but you couldn't bring yourself to see her in the weakened state she was in. Maybe it was selfish, maybe you just didn't want to remember her that way. The emotions you'd been shoving deep down exploded out of you all at once, and before you could stop yourself, your hands were covering your crying face, and Michael's arms were around you.