Don't Go There

distraction

[a/n: this fic was recently rewritten entirely. if the comments don't make sense that's why!]

       For the next three days, you left Alex at least one voicemail and two texts daily-- all to be ignored. You needed him to know that Michael wouldn't have even been here if it weren't for you trying to get him off your mind. You checked your phone obsessively, but Alex refused to respond despite how had you were trying. It seemed the tables had turned, and now he was the one trying to ghost and detach from you. You hadn't let Michael see you again as you'd told him, keeping him at arm's length. He was settling for phone calls now and then, but obviously wasn't satisfied with them, always wanting more. Though that fact was obvious, he wasn't being demanding or acting entitled to your time, and you were grateful to him for that.

By the 6th, six days before Alex would leave for college, you stopped reaching out. Maybe it would be better for both of you to be mad, not deal with a goodbye, and just move on with your lives. That would be much easier had you two not kissed the way you had.

For the next three days, you accepted every one of Michael's invitations out, as long as they were somewhere in public. You weren't ready to go somewhere intimate with him yet, like his apartment. Truthfully, you dreaded the day he'd offer. He really was a fun distraction, and nothing if not a perfect gentleman. He opened doors for you, helped you get your coat on and off, pulled out chairs for you...

but he wasn't Alex.

Saturday rolled around; two days before he would leave for Brown. By this point it looked like he wasn't playing a game, he really wasn't interested in any kind of goodbye with you anymore. You wondered if he'd listened to any of your voicemails, if he could hear the desperation to explain yourself in your voice. You missed his. And you missed the food fights, and letting loose as he called it. You missed how you felt right at home at his house, never like a burden -- even when you were clearly interrupting. He got real laughs out of you, and confessions you'd not dare mention to anyone else. You knew you could trust him and he'd never judge you, it'd always been that way. You would miss him every day he was gone.

Aunt Juniper joined you at the table with an exasperated sigh, "Two days, huh?"

Her blue eyes were a little brighter, and she was practically glowing as of late. Simon seemed to really be doing her some good; you were happy the two of them were so in love. It did make you wonder however, how long you would have here before one of them wanted to move in with the other.

"Yep," you replied, mouth then pressing into a line.

"You gonna coincidentally go out with Michael all day so that you don't have to think about it?"

You turned to her, moderately offended. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on," she tilted her head with slumped shoulders; she could see right through you.

You faced away from her, "Michael's a good friend."

"Maybe you better clarify that to him," she spoke sympathetically. "You know you mean more to him than he means to you. It's not really fair."

You opened your mouth to defend yourself, but quickly shut it, because she was right. You'd been completely using this innocent boy; he was thinking you guys' relationship was growing and would lead somewhere, and as of right now, you weren't over Alex. It felt silly to feel not over him when you'd never even really had him, but it was what it was.

Letting your head hang so you could easily rub at your temples, you said, "I'll talk to him."

"Good," she stood from the table with suspicious speed. "Cauussee he'll be here in ten minutes or less."

Instantly you were on your feet, "What." The word came out as more of a statement than a question. "You invited him over?"

She made a mock wincing face as she headed for her room, "Either you'd be telling him the truth or you'd enjoy the company, right?"

You scowled at her, only half upset anymore. There was no time to discuss it further, right now you had to get out of your PJ's.

~

    As promised, Michael was knocking on the front door moments later-- that boy was more punctual than you could ever hope to be. You took a deep breath before you could open the door, hyping yourself up mentally to let him down as gently as possible. You stepped out into the freezing temperatures, and noticed his car was still running. He stood with one foot on the bottom step, wrapped in a dark grey pea coat and maroon scarf. He'd gotten a haircut that made him look younger, but somehow seem more mature at the same time.

"Hey," you shut the door behind you and crossed your arms to retain some small amount of body heat. "Listen--" you honestly didn't know how to begin; you looked off into the distance.

"Ready to tell me you're in love with Alex?" Michael looked up at you with an enigmatic expression. "Or, still in love with him rather?"

Your eyes flew back to his face, which told you you'd just confirmed he was right. "What are you...?"

"Come on, I think the only people who don't know how you guys feel about each other is you two," he said confidently. "The minute I asked if I could kiss you were the minute I knew you don't feel for me how you feel for him. Why do you think I haven't tried since? I knew whatever we had was a ticking time bomb."

For the second time today, you really pitied Michael. You felt just awful. He'd known what you were doing even before you did, and that was still enough for him.

"I never meant to hurt you," you tried to assure him. You wanted to step forward, maybe put a hand on his arm, but decided it inappropriate anymore. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you," he took his foot off the bottom step with a shrug. "I'm glad I could help you at all. And you'd still be that shoulder to cry on if things don't go how you plan."

Your lips parted, but you couldn't find words as he strode back over to his car, hands stuffed in his pockets. He glanced back at you once more, small smile still on his face. Your chest was filled to the brim with guilt as you watched him drive off, not knowing if you'd ever see him again. The tears in your eyes became cold instantly from the frigid air, and suddenly the front door of the house was opening behind you.

"He'll be okay," you felt your aunt's hand on your shoulder blade. "It's better this happened now than you leading him on indefinitely. I'm proud of you."

You nodded, and swiped a tear from your cheek. You wanted to be mad at her for meddling, but if it weren't for her doing so, who knows how long this would've gone on. How far you would've gone with Michael for the sake of getting Alex off your mind.

But now, with no more distraction, he's all that was left there.