The Lovecats - McLennon

Chapter 17

25th October 1862

tw: eating disorder

These few days were pretty much uneventful, besides they felt very weird in the presence of one another. Sometimes barely talking and even including shy answers. And yes, both of them knew why this all is happening. The realisation after being too touchy when they are not even together. I mean who could blame them when they are living with eachother? As there was this weird awkward tension in between them, Paul was even more aware of what John was doing. He was watching his every movement carefully and was trying so hard to just to read him as best as he could. As he was noticing some stuff, he observed that John's eating habits were getting very diffrent. John was eating less. And actually sometimes not eating at all, just very brief food and that concerned Paul a lot. Paul immediately knew that he must help John in this situation. Maybe even when not knowing solution for this struggle, just being there for him and support could help John. To help him know that he is always safe with Paul.

Paul with opened eyes was laying on his back while thinking about all these stuff. Next to him was laying John who was faced and turned at the other side from Paul. He was just peacefully sleeping while Paul couldn't get over these morning thoughts he always got. Were they just morning thoughts? Paul sat up in the bed and eyed a clock which was placed on John's bookshelf. 5:34am the time was. Very early for the time they usually wake up. Paul knew that he could not sleep anymore at this point so he just quietly stood up, tip toed and left the room, making sure about not causing too much noise. He walked downstairs to the kitchen with the intention of surprising John with a breakfast.

It took him an hour to make the most delicious and perfect pancakes he ever made. He served it on both of the plates and also made a tea. When the clock was now showing 6:40 he heard steps coming down the stairs, almost like running or they were exited? Paul didn't know, he couldn't read it, even when he was a very good reader in people and stuff. Soon enough he was greeted by John, his beautiful smile, shiny eyes and sleepy face also his clothing being all scruffy due to the sleeping. He wore velvet pants with a flex shirt like they always did in their home.

„Goodmorning Macca how was your sleep? Waking up this early huh?" John stood close in front of Paul showing him a toothy smile.

„It was amazing what about you?" He looked at the ground and made a shy smile due to the fact that John called him 'Macca'.

„Yes it was quite alright." John now eyed the table where the pancakes were placed, in that moment his eyes lost that spark they had. His face now turning completly numb, maybe even showing a frown and a hint of dejection.

Paul who now connected the dots, understood what is happening with John in that very moment. „John I made you a breakfast, is that okay?" John's eating. John's troubled eating. 'Fuck how could I not think about this while making the food.' Paul cursed at himself.

„Paul I'm so-"

„John you are beautiful."

„What?"

„Don't let these thoughts ruin you. Please try to ignore the voices in your head telling you otherwise John. You are more than you think you are. I am not going to force you to eat beacause that's stupid. But I wish that you just knew how beautiful you are. Doing this is not worth it. And I will always be there for you everytime you will need help I swear. You deserve to be happy and get what you deserve, and you truly deserve more than you really think you do." Paul spoke to him because he couldn't handle seeing this tender in John's eyes.