Jess's Girl

Withdrawal

After the the incident with Jess she didn't see him for months. These were the most difficult months she could even recall. Even when he was gone with Rory she could at least ease her mind in the definiteness that he was gone, and it was over.

But now she couldn't even do that.

It was still up in the air. There was no closure there was no talk and there was no reconciliation. She was just floating in the memories of the good which then hurt because the good was gone. The the hurt turned into memories of the bad and that just made the hurt bigger and then she was stuck in an endless emotional mind war.

She hated feeling this stupid. She hoped and prayed to be able to move on, but there was a sliver of hope she had that maybe this was al stupid and he would come up to her and apologize and they'd have some sort of reunion and happily ever after, like she had always wanted with him.

Jess was a man she had considered having kids with, considered getting married with, ideas she had once thoguht she would never in a million years want to have. For him she considered continuing to live...

Now even that felt wrong to do with him not here.

She had practiced mirorr work, different therapy, journalling, meditations, all of it. It was a temporary solution to the problem that she wanted to be permanent. She would feel better for a little bit but his image would creep into her brain. Her music taste her movie taste, anything she liked he was a part of.

She rubbed her head. It was moments like this that she missed her grandpa. He would know what to say to make this all feel like a stupid bump in the road that she could easily just drive over. And she would believe him. And she would do it.

Now, it just seemed everytime she took a step forwards, there were costant pulls back. She wanted to be in a good place, in a hopeful mindset again.

"Lucy." Luke snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked around at the darkened diner. Her hand was rested on a cold damp rag. She looked back at Luke. Right, she was closing the diner. "You good?" he asked her.

She cleared her throat and nodded, "Yeah. Just...thinking." she shrugged and continued to clean the table top. "You should hurry up, you've got homework to finish." he told her.

Lucy smiled briefly, "I finished it all, Luke." she assured him, "Just a couple more observations and then I'm home free." she smiled.

Luke nodded with a quick smile. He was really proud of Lucy. She got her GED real quick, and started finishing up her psychology classes in community college close by.

"You know," he cleared his throat, "Now that you're going to be a fancy therapist, maybe you should start applying." he said.

"It's not fancy, Luke. I'll be counseling kids, I hardly call that fancy. And besides, I can't apply now. I'm not even graduated yet, and with work at the diner I can't afford to quit." she explained as she finished cleaning yet another table.

Luke finished marking the expiration dates on the table and sighed. He set down the last can of corn before looking at her. "Lucy." he said. "In order to take some steps to move on in your life. You have to actually take a step." he said.

"I have been.." she said avoidantly and looked down; putting the chairs up on the table.

"Maybe start leaping then?" he asked.

"Look what happened the last time I leaped Luke.." she said honestly and looked at him to drop it. Not warningly, more with a look of the same hurt he's seen on her when she was a little girl. Two men entered her life, two hurt her, and two left.