Peeling Back the Top Layer 🇯🇲

11| Mortified + Perturbed + Berserk

Steven snickers nervously. One hand covers his mouth in astonishment. "Jus did waa fi try sumn new," he mumbles when he manages to stifle his laugh long enough to form words.

"Yuh couldn't ask mi first?! Yuh mad?!"

Furious doesn't adequately describe how I feel. I scurry about the room gathering my clothes and other belongings at lightning speed.

"Weh yuh a gwaan so fa? Jus calm down nuh babes," he pleads.

"No! Nuh tell mi fi calm dung! Mi waa go home...Now!"

Neither of us looks directly at the other during the drive to my house. Tension is at an all-time high and the silence is so thick you could cut it with a knife. It gives me room to carefully examine the situation.

Now I'm questioning how well I know this man.

He doesn't utter a word when I get out of the car and storm off. He just sits in the car and waits until I'm inside the house before driving off.

"What next Father God?" I ask openly in the safe haven of my home.

******

A week later and I'm still contemplating an appropriate response to his attempt at anal play. Every day my mind weighs my options.

We haven't spoken much since the encounter. He texts and calls frequently to check in and keeps reminding me that he's open to discussion. But I'm too hung up on the violation to try having a conversation with him. My responses have been limited to one or two words at a time — yes, no, okay, and, not now.

He even sent three gifts with cards, one saying "Forgive me", the other telling me he misses me, and a third begging me to talk to him. Truth be told, I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm not averse to trying new things but I'd appreciate a little warning or some sort of prompt before deep diving into uncharted territory.

Maybe I would have been open to trying after some preparation. How him woulda feel if mi push my finger up inna fi him battyole outta di blue? No warning or nutten.

Mi not even did know seh him interested inna anal sex. This is the same man who doesn't like when people fart around him. His disgust with that part of the body is partly why he's homophobic.

I release a heavy sigh, focusing my attention on the makeup I'm applying for Miss Jay's party. Since the guest of honor will be the only person I know at this event, I asked Marsha to tag along, to which she gladly agreed. She's driving since my community is on her way to the venue.

"No sah! We a twin?!" she asks when I get into the car. Our choice of outfit is a black floral romper. The main difference is that the top of mine is backless while her's isn't. But we're both showing off cleavage with the deep V plunge in the neckline of both outfits.

"Yeah, soul sista!" I cheer. "Great minds think alike."

We arrive at the indoor party venue in time for the final setup for Miss Jay's grand surprise. She believes she's coming here to have dinner with her two children. More than 100 guests huddle together in the dark facing the entrance for her arrival. As soon as the door swings open, the lights come on and we sing happy birthday.

Miss Jay is both shocked and overjoyed. She jumps in fright at first. Then it registers that this is her birthday celebration and she covers her mouth in amazement. By the end of the song, she's grinning so widely that her face must hurt. I've never seen her this happy.

During dinner, people take turns at the microphone, offering her their best wishes. This portion of the event is somewhat formal, reminding me of a wedding reception. And you know what comes after food and formalities at a wedding...