Jester (Man x Man) ✔

34) n a n n i e s

"Don't you have anything better to do than babysit me?" Eli groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"What are you talking about? Nothing in the whole wide world is a better pastime than nannying you." Steven grinned and slumped on his back on the bed next to Eli. "Benjamin told me you've been stuck in bed for days."

Eli let out a heavy sigh, but he didn't say anything. It was bad enough for Benjamin to see how pathetic he had become, and now Steven had to witness it as well. Eli had tried to get up and go on with the day, but every time he did, it felt like he had to drag his heavy feet around the apartment. He didn't feel like going through all that effort, when nothing could make him feel a thing anyway. 

"Have you heard about Logan yet?" Steven asked then, his eyes widening. "The police took him away and now they're closing FAB. Apparently for good."

"Yeah.." Eli mumbled. He had forgotten how much FAB still meant for his friends and how he had taken one of their favorite places away from them. "It's my fault actually."

"Did Logan have something to do with it?" Steven's eyes studied Eli more intently than Eli would have hoped for.

"It?" Eli tried to hide his uneasiness by turning his gaze to the ceiling. 

"You know what I'm talking about." Steven sighed and a sad smile crossed his lips briefly. "Was Logan involved?"

Eli had forgotten most from that night when he had been drinking with Steven, which he was grateful for. He didn't remember telling about his doubts of being raped, but he remembered talking nonstop. So it wasn't unlikely he had accidentally mentioned it at some point.

"He was, kind of, yes."

"He was? That fucking assfuck, now I'm glad he's going to prison." Steven sat up, a wild look in his eyes.

"Yeah, but.. The thing is.." Eli let his voice trail off when an odd floating sensation filled his head, making him feel like he was hovering two feet above the bed.

He wanted to tell Steven nothing had happened after all, but did he know that for sure? He didn't, and probably never would. Besides, even if what Logan told him was true, it didn't exactly mean that nothing had happened. Something had happened and Eli's mind was reacting to it strongly. 

In his nightmares he was stuck in darkness and he couldn't move to protect himself from the terrors it hid. When he was awake he was jumpy, like his body was constantly ready for danger. He felt ashamed, like what had happened had somehow been his fault. The memories kept pulling him back when he least expected them to. And then there was the sadness that overpowered all, making his body feel heavy and even the smallest tasks were enough to tire him.

"Can we talk about something else?" It came out more shakily than Eli had hoped for. 

"Have you eaten yet?" Steven changed the topic like they had never even talked about it, and was kind enough to ignore the trembling hands and paleness Eli was trying to hide.

Then he practically dragged Eli to the kitchen with him. Luckily he didn't try to cook anything — that would have ended up being a catastrophe — but found some leftover rice and curry from the fridge and heated it up in the microwave oven. Eli sat at the table silently while Steven blabbered about how he should eat more and then, when Eli didn't react in any way, switched to some idle story about seeing his brother the day before.

"I never thought I would be so proud of myself for getting you to a smoke with me." Steven chuckled, handing one cigarette to Eli and taking another between his lips. He lit Eli's first and then his own. 

They were sitting on the floor of Benjamin's balcony and Eli was leaning his back against the wall. It was a sunny day and for once he didn't freeze in his leather jacket. Eli had no idea where all that time had disappeared and how it would soon be summer again. 

"I don't understand why Benjamin still wants me here." Eli admitted after a while. "I've been lying to him and now my biggest achievement is to get myself out for a smoke.. He's hot and rich and funny and smart, he could get anyone." 

"You're not as dispensable as you think you are. Benjamin loves you and when you love someone, you stay and you fight for them." Steven leaned his back on the ceiling and stretched out his long legs. He was wearing a black shirt that had a neon pink dinosaur pattern and his black hair fell on his face when he leaned down to light another cigarette. 

"So he's the first person who has ever loved me." Eli concluded, lifting his gaze up to the pale blue sky. 

"Wrong." Steven shook his head, making Eli look at him again. "I love you. Ash, Brandon, Shirley and Dam-Bi love you. We're not going anywhere. You're irreplaceable to all of us."

"Dammit, Steven. Why do you have to be so nice to me?" Eli frowned, feeling undeserving for his friends and their love. Maybe Steven was just saying it to make him feel better.

"Because I love you so much." Steven teased, a goofy grin on his face.

"Oh, shut up." Eli chuckled and nudged Steven's arm with his shoulder. 

"But, Eliiiiiii, I really love you so much." Steven was beaming when his words managed to make Eli smile. 

Later that day, when Benjamin came back from work, they were still hanging out on the balcony. They had smoked so much Eli was feeling nauseated, so he was taking a break and laying on the floor while resting his head on Steven's lap. Steven was browsing his phone and giving Eli updates about their friends. Occasionally he showed him their Instagram stories and all the memes he could find from there.

"I can't believe it: you're out of the bed." Benjamin was grinning playfully, but Eli could tell that he was genuinely surprised by it. He too sat on the floor, on the other side of Eli. "How are you feeling?"

Eli sat up and leaned on Benjamin, who wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer. Eli closed his eyes and smiled briefly, when he muttered: "Tired. Steven won't let me sleep."

"Is that so?" Benjamin asked from Steven, who shrugged and smiled innocently. Benjamin turned to look at Eli again. "Well, it's good. You'll sleep better at night. Have you eaten?"

"Yeah. And I've taken the meds too, don't worry, mom." Eli snuggled closer to him.

"Try husband." Benjamin corrected. "So you've eaten, taken your meds and gotten some not so fresh air. You're a good nanny, Steven. You don't happen to be looking for a new job?"

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Um, so, it seems like this story might be a long one.. we're already on chapter 34 and I still have so much left to write about. I like long stories, but I hope you don't mind them. :)