Asylum (Mcr Fic)

Electrotherapy

Mary knocks and opens the door at the same time as usual but Im already awake. This routine has been constantly drilled into my fragile body, I already know how today is going to end.

"Morning Seven, how are you feeling?" She asks.

"Fine." I sigh. They never want to know how Im really feeling. 

"Well we have more electrotherapy this morning if you would like to follow me?"

I know its more of a command than a request so I follow her.

I take a deep breath, following Mary into the big white curing room. Everyone as usual is there, plus doctor Way. The room is not actually that big, the blatant white of the walls give it a larger feel. Its pretty void of furniture excluding the operating table and all the sciencey kit.

I make quick eye contact with doctor Way on the way in as the others mostly ignore me, then sit down on the bed-like table.

"Okay, round two..." A doctor puts on the headband on my temples and I start to notice the smell of burning. Maybe theres a reason theyre called temples. Maybe they should be respected rather than fried.

I can feel my heart rate increasing as I know that burning is not an ideal smell for a human body. There are so many people standing over and around me, crowding me.

Today there are three doctors holding me down. Im definitely more scared than usual whilst waiting for the shock. Its the seconds before and after the shock that are the worse- the hands gripping my skin arent helping much at all.

"Okay." The doctor says. "Clear!"

Suddenly I feel the first shock, straight into my temples. I let out a shriek and my muscles shake and spasm uncontrollably. The doctors push me onto the table further as I shake and scream, their rubber grips burning friction onto my thighs. It feels as if needles are pricking my skin like a wave through my body. I grit my teeth and clamp my eyes closed and wait for my skin to stop pricking and body to stop shaking. Everything goes brighter and whiter and then momentarily black and then back to normal. I know its stopped when the doctors let go of me.

"Are you sure this is not a bit inhumane?" Someone asks. Im sure Id be thinking that if my brain wasnt shocked into standby mode.

"This is the only cure we have, Gerard." Someone else replies.

The hands clamp down again and the wave hits, slightly stronger. Theres no countdown and my already aching body tenses randomly again. I scream out in the hopes of releasing tension in my loins but Im shaking and flailing about. I can feel tears prick my eyes and I hope for a new treatment to come up so I can stop this madness. The wave reaches my toes and rebounds back, making me arch my back and cry out again.

When it stops I let out a breath. I dont think I can take any more shocks today. I feel ill. I feel faint. Im hurting everywhere. The world is tinted blue and the boundaries and lines on things arent as well defined. I let my head fall to the side, slack.

"Okay lets stop for today. Seven you can go to the activities room."

It takes me a moment, but with all the strength I have I push myself off the table and start walking towards the door. A doctor supports me by my arm as we wander down the hall. He takes me to the crafts room and leaves me in a seat, locking the door behind him as he leaves.

As soon as he is gone I let myself collapse onto the table. I open my mouth and a long groan is let out. It was so much more violent and painful today. It hurts. It hurts. 

Eventually, my body numbs and I let myself daze at the mark in the wall. The numb feeling is almost relief against the wave of pain of the cure today. I let my brain drift after finding it hard to focus on one subject for more than a moment at a time.

A while later another patient is let into the room and sat opposite me. His hair is stuck on end and he has a dazed and lost look on his face. He looks like he is following something with his eyes around the room but I cant tell what he is following.

"Schizophrenic." A familiar voice says over the silence.

Doctor way is standing in the doorway, watching me almost creepily. I start thinking something but it slips through my thoughts before I catch it.

"He sees things that arent there. He hears things too. Hes paranoid."

The doctors never engage in conversation with the patients. Thats what Im thinking about. I feel like I may have forgotten how to speak properly to another person, its been so long. I nod, avoiding eye contact.

I hear the door close and I turn back to the biros on the table and the paper. We are meant to write and draw, arent we?

I let my mind drift for a moment before rediscovering the biros and paper with the same vague excitement as before.

Since it seems to be that the guy opposite isnt going to pick a pen anytime soon I take one myself.

I put the pen on the paper and write things down before I forget them;

Rock bottom is a long journey up from here

My handwriting is more of a scrawl. Its messy and my muscles hurt. Im here for no reason other than nobody wants me and Im ill. Im so ill that they havent cured me even after all this time. My foot twitches.

Success in life is behind rusted locked doors and dreams that are closed

Someone else is put in the room and the chairs start to fill up. One person mentions they havent had breakfast yet.

A wise man said "You get what you get and what you get is regret"

Im holding the pen tightly in between my fingers. I place my head down on the table for a moment. Tears are clouding my vision. I cant get better.

Every day is the first day of my life and every night I die a new death

Eight out of the ten chairs are filled, I assume they halved us for some reason. They must think Im drawing a picture, my handwriting is a wreck. My pen slides off the edge of the page.

I know what Im missing, Im giving up on myself before anyone has to

I tap my feet on the ground as the corner of the paper is getting scrunched up in my hand. I need air. I need to get out.

Im way past ripe into rotten

I stand up, bumping into doctor Way and the last patient. I stagger towards the door, tears on my cheeks and the scrunched up paper in my hand. It takes all my brainpower to push past doctor Way and keep standing as I head down the hall.

"Hey! Seven!" Doctor Way shouts from behind me.

I push out another door and start running down the hall. My run must be erratic and scary to watch but Im just trying to stay standing. I search about for doors. Theres no way out of this place. Theres no way out.

"Theres no way out!" I yell.

The walls spin and I cant help but collapse onto the floor and somebody grabs me around my waist, lifting me up. I scratch and claw at their hands clumsily.

I think that I try and kick them but I cant get a good aim. I continue screaming a blurred groan and kicking and for the first time in forever putting up a fight.

Something pierces my side and I sigh a breath inwards. Theyre drugging me.