Ｌ♡ＶＥ ＴＲＩＰ | odasaku x reader

A SILVER LEAF IN THE TWILIGHT

Love.

Odasaku didn't really adopt Dazai's notions of love. Love is what made him, Dazai and Ango friends. Love is what led him to adopt those four boys and one girl. Love is what brought him closer to Y/n. So, Odasaku didn't internalize what Dazai said.

But now, Odasaku understood what Dazai meant all that time ago. He was experiencing it first hand. Ango was gone. Maybe not dead, but he was gone. That friendship bond was broken, torn up, shredded, and thrown in the dumpster. It hurt his heart to think about the lost friendship with Ango.

And he was able to experience the pain love can inflict on him once more when he found that those four boys and one girl were gone. Dead. And it hurt his heart even more. He screamed and cried and fell to his knees and clutched his stomach, as if any of that would help him cope with the big gaping hole that was now stabbing and burning his heart.

Now, it was as if nothing mattered, and that startled himself as he slowly started to realize that he could finally, at last, understand exactly what Dazai felt. It was as if he was seeing things through his eyes. Nothing mattered. The ocean sparkled no longer. The brilliant yellow of the dandelions were gone. The sky was dull; the sun, bleak. There was no reason to live anymore. It didn't matter if Odasaku held on to his policy of 'no killing.' It didn't matter. And it was horrid.

There were two things that still mattered to him, actually. One of them was Dazai. The other, Y/n. In a strange, gray daze, Odasaku found himself making his way to Y/n's apartment room. Strange, gray clouds gathered above him, promising to rain.

He knocked on her door. She answered.

She never failed to amaze Odasaku with her intuitive stare and ability to instantly perceive the other's emotions. She could blatantly tell that Odasaku was in unbearable pain even though he showed no signs, even though no words were spoken. She flung her arms around his torso and embraced him tightly, as if it would heal the gaping wound in his heart. And they stood like that for a long while. It was stiflingly quiet. He could feel her breathing shakily and a patch of his shirt was getting wet. She was crying. Why would she be crying?

She pulled back and quickly wiped away tears with her sleeve and invited him inside.

She guided him to the sofa and had him sit down. She went into the kitchen. He found her old cat Tama heavily plodding his way to him, then hefted himself upon the sofa. He touched the paws of the cat and looked out the window. The furin bell was still there. The clouds above had darkened heavily, and now the very few, large drops of rain fell loudly against the windowpane.

Y/n returned with a bottle of red liquid in her hands. She spoke,

"I bring an unaccustomed wine

To lips long parching

Next to mine,

And summon them to drink;"

She set it down on the coffee table in front of the sofa and placed down two glasses along with it.

"Another poem," Odasaku remarked. "By the same person. Is that perhaps another prayer?"

She sat down close beside him and shrugged. "Yeah. Another prayer. I hope you don't mind." She opened the bottle and poured a small amount into each glass.

"I'm grateful for it." Said he and took the glass Y/n offered him.

The clouds darkened as time went on, and the rain filled the gutters to the brim. As time went on, the gutters filled up and the wine cups emptied. The two uncertain lovers only remained there, dwelling in each other's existence for as long as they could.

"Oda-san," She said. "Do you remember all that time ago, when you asked me why people love?"

"How could I forget?"

"And I said that love makes you happy," She shook her head. "I don't know what I was thinking when I said that, because it's hurting me a lot right now."

He painfully closed his eyes. "I don't think you were delusional when you said love makes us happy. And I don't think that your delusional for saying love hurts us, too. I believe it does both." They suddenly made eye contact. "I would be glad, though, if you could remember the times that love made you happy."

Her lip quivered and she looked away, hiding her tears. "Are you leaving now?" Y/n asked, eyes downcast.

"Yes," He said softly, looking out the window. "You know I won't return."

"I know. I just wish you would, though," She said.

Odasaku took one last melancholy look at the woman beside him, a futile attempt at preserving her beauty in his memory, recollecting every single emotion he felt from her and every word he departed unto her. Then he said, "I wish so, too."