Estelle

12 | His Name

I did not see Adonis arrive but I know he is here. I can occasionally hear him raise his voice on the phone. He sounds unhappy and I feel like it is my fault.

When lunch rolls around, I meet Blue at a restaurant on the street across from my work building. It is a small cafe that I have eaten at before.

"I know what they are involved with." Her voice gets quieter. "The mafia." Her eyes are on the tea she is sipping in her hands.

I look away from my work building where I had been staring at the top floor.

"I do too, Blue."

"Don't be mad at them. Get Mr. Irey to explain. Alec already told me everything."

I try not to cringe at the name Mr. Irey. I know that is not his name and it hurts me that I don't know it yet. "Why don't you just tell me?" I ask, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Because you should hear it from him."

"I don't even know his real name. I know nothing about him."

"That's what you are worried about?" I glance up at Blue. "I would have thought you would have fled again. You don't want a life even remotely like that."

Blue is right. I didn't even think about running this time. Now I know why I feel this way. "I feel safe with him."

"You need to talk to him, Jane. There is no way around it."

I agree. I agree with Blue so much that I finish lunch with her and walk back to the office. I don't even look at my desk as I walk straight to his doors and open them without knocking.

Adonis is standing next to his desk looking at papers in his hand. He does not seem surprised that I burst into the room abruptly.

"What if I told you I was sent to kill you?" He knows nothing about me. Why would he be protecting me if he has no idea who I really am?

He places the papers down and looks at me, plain and serious. "I would let you kill me." He does not miss a beat.

"But you won't tell me your name?"

He approaches me but this time I do not run. I stand stiff and look him in the eyes as he comes closer. "I would give you the knife, Jane. I'd even sharpen it for you and point to where my heart is."

"Why?"

"Because I'll do anything for you."

"But tell me your name?"

He sighs but not in annoyance. He leans over me and I feel my back hit the door. He rests his hands on either side of my head and leans forward so his forehead is rested on the door behind me.

"I don't want you to run."

"I won't." It is already clear to me that I am staying.

There is a long pause but I stand patiently, waiting for him to speak. His head is still on the door with his face hidden from me.

He breathes in. "I grew up in a bad home. My parents were bad people and when I turned 21 I became the Italian mafia Don. I was a very bad man, Jane. I hated everyone and everything because of how I was treated when I was young."

I let my hand reach up and rest on his forearm. I can feel the muscles under his shirt tense. His silence and emotionless expressions begin to make sense as I listen to him. He is damaged by his past, making him who he is today. Silent, observant, withdrawn. Any anger or sadness I felt when I entered this room has faded.

"When I turned 29 I decided to leave it all behind. I took the money I earned myself and left all the blood money behind. I didn't care who took over and just let everyone else decide. I have been running this business ever since but I keep getting sucked back in. What I did is still haunting me no matter how I try to right my wrongs. I hate who I was and I hate who I am."