breaking and entering (yandere! Kuroo x fem reader)

3 || alone

Is this my hand?

It sure didn't feel like it. You looked at it, thinking about moving your fingers.

They obeyed?

You watched as your fingers actually moved to your will, bending and then closing into a fist. You left your hand mid-air, still unable to wrap your head around the fact it was all so real.

You had that body, it was actual - and you had control over it. So you could just think about something and action would follow.

But then an electric shiver traveled down your spine.

The coldness of the wall on your bare back didn't annoy as much as it normally would. It was just there, you could feel it on your skin, but you didn't move away. Still, your body reacted to it, even if you didn't think of reacting. And this was confusing: didn't you just establish you were the one in control?

Why did your body obey your thoughts at times, while other times it just acted upon its own needs?

Did you have your body? Did you possess it?

I don't.

You banged your head on one of your knees, pulling it closer to your chest. You let out a long, frustrated sigh. If you couldn't control something of so immediate experience, how could you be in charge of something as unpredictable and volatile as life?
You felt ridiculous now, thinking of how stubbornly and even somewhat proudly you'd believed you were the one in control.

And to think it had always been so evident - you were like a chess piece, moved to the need of the master behind the board; you felt powerless in the game of life, being just pushed to the pleasure of others who had control over you.

It was all pointless.

A shy pearly moonbeam made its way through the window, caressing your cold back with its milky light. You turned your head still buried in between your knees to the side, looking at the moonlight stream soaking among the bedsheets' wrinkles. It was peaceful. Unreal.

It had been just two weeks in Tokyo, but those two weeks alone felt like two years.

Even though you had Fukunaga on your side, you couldn't help but sense a nagging void right in the middle of your chest. It wasn't always there, but when it came, it pushed you deep into a state of nothingness, an overpowering numbness so dark you could see no way out of it.

You weren't sure how longer you could take it. It was like living adrift reality and dreams - a crack in between those two realms, in which corporeality faded into imagination and vice versa. An evil demon constantly whispered in your ear, suggesting doubt to whatever certainty you desperately clung onto. It was draining. And the only thing you could do was sit down and stare into the void, trying to block everything out - that evil breath in your ear included - to avoid the torture of thoughts.

You'd freeze in that state for the entire day, hadn't it been for external reminders - for example, a sudden, loud buzz that shook you out of your daze that night. It took you some time to process what was going on, but eventually you figured out it was just your phone.

You slowly leaned to the side, eyes half-lidded, to read the message preview.

fufunaga <3: look out the window

You knit your eyebrows and slowly fully opened your eyes. You listlessly crawled on the bed and to the window to see what your best friend was talking about.

Fukunaga stood outside, waving slightly with one hand once he saw you peek at him. You opened the window, letting the cold night air seep into your room and bite at your skin, slapping you fully awake. Your head whirred with questions, but you decided to narrow them down to the two fundamental ones.