September 15, 2018 06:14
A Year Ago
it's september fifteenth. last year on this day, i would've woken up at 6:39, my heart beating almost too fast, and taken a shower equally as quick. i would've gotten up so early, even though my school started at 9, just so i could send a morning text to my boyfriend before he woke up.
we would've been together for a few days over a month at this point. i still would've been too afraid to send ugly pictures and almost too afraid to kiss him. i would've held his hand and watched several movies with him at this point, but not much more.
i would've sat with him at lunch that day and leaned on him, traced his fingers, done whatever just to have contact. he was real, he was there. he loved me and i knew it. i would've been bursting with happiness.
i would've hugged him and kissed his cheek before running to my bus, a little sad that i had to leave but still happy overall. i would've gone home and called him, and then fallen asleep with a smile on my face.
but it's not last year. it's today. and i woke up at 5:00 unable to fall back asleep. i woke up, my face wet and heart clenching. i still woke up before him, but not because i wanted to send a message. i woke up because i can't sleep anymore.
i didn't fall asleep with a smile on my face yesterday; i fell asleep wanting to never wake up again.
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