Still With You || jjk + kth

44| Stay Alive

5 years later

Life isn't the same,it changed the moment Jeongguk walked out the door. It changed everything for the worse because everyday after that day Taehyung was fighting to stay alive. To find a motive to live through his miserable life. It was safe to say they didn't see each other at all,Taehyung tried to call him and text him to see if Jeongguk is okay but he had blocked him in every single application. He had it coming and just like He forced Jeongguk to move on,he should move on too.

He stopped going to his apartment,he never stepped inside that bar ever again. Never ran into his friends either. It's like everything that involved Jeongguk just disappeared from his life,Jeongguk included. So he had nothing to turn to except work. He brought this to himself now he has to reap the consequences of his actions.

One advantage he did for himself was stop indulging in his gang activities,he had stopped going to missions as he declared that the moment he stepped into that abandoned building. He is still the leader ,just because he has stopped going to missions doesn't mean he still doesn't lead them. He is all his gang got right now,there is no better leader than him. Since their biggest enemy is out,they are not in a dangerous position anymore so they can handle the small affairs without alerting Taehyung about it. He won't lie, going to missions was all he ever did, so when jeongguk left, he thought to go back to what it was. He tried to go on a mission but his attempts failed unfortunately because all he could think about was Jeongguk.

Everything reminded him of the younger. The blue blanket they used to share when Jeongguk slept over,their talks in soft voices that went the whole night, Younger calming voice that sometimes sang him to sleep. The take outs, getting drunk and having messy drunk make outs. The way his tattooed hands went through Taehyung's hair,stroking them softly while whispering the sweetest thing in his ear. The way his nose would scrunch with a wide smile on his face when Taehyung would do the same gesture. His loud laugh when the latter would do something that isn't even that funny.

He misses him so much sometimes it gets hard to breathe. The sensation inside his chest tightens to the point of suffocation. There wasn't one day in the last 1825 days where he didn't think about Jeongguk. With every single thing being a constant reminder of the younger boy, he thinks if he even made the right decision by driving the younger out of his life.

Now here he is,still single and so depressed he sometimes wonders how long he can live like this again. He hates his habit of letting his relationship take control of his whole life because he doesn't think he has ever been this miserable. He is worse than when Seungho died. At Least he moved on considering Seungho is dead,how can he move on when he knows Jeongguk is out there somewhere.

He did one right thing though,he started seeing a therapist. It was hard at first to open up to a mere stranger but that same feeling helped him open up because he knew a stranger would not judge him. Within some sessions the therapist concluded he had borderline personality disorder and the cause is all tied to childhood. His brain wasn't able to develop properly at a young age because of constant abuse and all the other trauma he suffered through. That was the environmental factor which is the main factor in his case for his disorder. He is now taking pills for it and according to the therapist he has shown growth so that's like the single positive news he had gotten. He was also diagnosed with Depression. Which is why he is still going to the therapy sessions.

He wasn't even shocked at that,he had gotten very lonely and this time it wasn't only Jeongguk. Jimin and he got seperate places. Well technically only Jimin did as Taehyung stayed in the penthouse that he has all to himself now but for what when he has no one to invite over,no one to spend the night with. Just him and a bottle of wine,drinking most nights away it was becoming a problem that sometimes his friends would come over and stay the night to check on him.