Where's the Punchline? (Underfell AU | Sans x Reader)

Chapter One | Spiked

Before You Read

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          "You're saying you're jobless?"

          "I'm a stand-up comedian."

          "Ah, so jobless."

          The homeroom teacher takes off her reading glasses and sets them aside on her desk. Her eyes are droopy with weariness, though the rest of herself appears ready and greedy to get to the point. Given by how she smiles when he stands up in response to her comment, Sans knows threats won't sway her, these a habit he'd put into practice since arriving at the Surface just by the help of his physical appearance alone. Her finger hovering over the red button next to her is what's necessary for him to remind himself to stay calm, that this could be Frisk's future teacher, and that any other school accepting them would be a hard find. "The pay's decent, and I can afford most of the stuff the kid needs to live well." There's a lack of sympathy in her gaze, but it's directed more at him than at the child he'd been telling her of since beginning with the interview. "But I can find a second job, if you want me to." He wishes he could look anywhere else other than her face, yet that would only make it seem as if he also can't keep up with basic eye contact for something so important, and for something he'd waited for so long.

          "How much are we talking about?" she asks, her smile fading. "And would you care to elaborate on 'most'? Who else covers for the child's needs, besides you and Toriel?"

          "First question's nunya business," he replies, sneering. "I can't afford their health care, but others pitch in with that stuff. And then we've also been looking around to see if we can secure a plan for them."

          "Who are these other people?"

          "My brother, his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and a bunch of other folks."

          The woman sighs.

          "You'll have to be more specific, but that'll do for now." She yawns and throws herself back in her seat. For a split second, the idea of throwing her off the chair with a bit of his magic crosses his mind, yet he fights against that urge. "For someone who claims to entertain people, I must admit you've bored me beyond repair, so you're free to go," she says. "Until our next meeting, mister-"

          "This can't end here. I need closure," he interrupts, setting his hands on the desk as he leans over it. "I need to know whether I'm allowed to enroll the kid in your school."

          "Oh, sure you can, darling." She smiles again, an action made more devilish when she chuckles and props a leg over the other. "Once you get a real job and maybe that temper of yours checked."