𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐒, cedric diggory ³

𝐓𝐄𝐍

OVER THE PAST FEW days, cedric diggory thought a lot. mostly about harlow, partially about his parents, sometimes about daphne. he knew harlow wasn't doing the best, yet again, he wasn't doing the best either. he began skipping practice to do nothing other than sit in his room and stare at the ceiling. for the first time in his life, he was truly lost.

what was he supposed to do? talk to harlow? to anthony? the only person who knew about what was happening was daphne and he didn't know if she could be trusted. he was lost, he had no one to talk to. he wondered if harlow felt the same way, lost. cedric was completely helpless.

he tried to think of the possibilities that could help her, he came up with nothing. he knew he was partially to blame for harlow's spiraling. but how could he assured her that she could never hurt him? he didn't know that even if he told her that he would be telling the truth.

cedric wanted more than anything to protect harlow, but how could he protect her if the enemy was herself? he hated himself for even thinking about it for a moment, but maybe it was a mistake. all of it. their relationship was built on sorrow and doom from the moment he kissed her in the snow. maybe she couldn't handle a relationship on top of everything else.

no. he thought. the way he felt for her was unmistakable. she was on his mind constantly, he wondered if anthony knew how to deal with harlow when she was like this. he thought about asking anthony then scolded himself immediately afterward.

he then found himself thinking about daphne. her slender fingers, pale skin, and her tall frame. from the moment he was born he knew it was supposed to be him and daphne. they'd get married a year or two after she graduated. have a few kids, move into a cottage on the outskirts of hogsmeade, daphne's suggestion not his. that's how it was supposed to be, that's what his parents expected of him, that's what would make them happy. then, harlow happened. harlow was unexpected, hitting him like a sledgehammer that knocked all of the air out of his lungs.

when he was little, he'd try to convince himself that one day he could love daphne. that he could be okay with their parents' arrangement. that he would live out his days with daphne by his side and he thought, maybe, just maybe, he could be happy, like his parents were. then he found harlow, she was his own personal drug, getting him high by just a glance. it'd been days since he'd had a real conversation with her, and god he needed his fix.

he also knew that even if he were to ditch harlow and go with daphne, it would never work. the incident made that clear, he thought about telling harlow about that, but he knew it wasn't his place. he felt horrible, it was like he was lying to her along with lying to everyone else. it was torture, a cage built from his own design, leaving him in complete isolation.

cedric was angry, at himself, at the world, at daphne, at his parents. he was tired of constantly bending over backwards to please them. keeping his grades up, becoming the youngest quidditch captain in over a decade, and promising them that he'll settle down with a pleasant pure-blood girl that would ensure to keep their social status and bloodline clean.

he was tired, not the kind of tired that could be solved with a nap or a good nights sleep. it was the type of exhaustion that weighed his body down, the type of exhaustion he could feel in every footstep. he needed harlow, but harlow couldn't even trust herself around him. she's so afraid and he felt guilty for her fear.

anthony looked over to cedric who was in bed, like usual, staring up at the ceiling wearing a blank expression.

"ced." anthony called out, "cedric."

cedric didn't move, "yeah?"

"you have to go to practice." he told him.

cedric turned over in his bed, "i don't feel like it."

"cedric, your gonna get demoted or cut if you keep skipping." said anthony.

cedric shrugged, "then you can finally be captain, i know how bad you want it."

"ced, we both know you're a better captain then i could ever be." anthony walked over and tried to drag him out of bed.

cedric didn't budge, "if you want to be captain, take it, it's yours."

"ced, do you even hear yourself?" he asked in disbelief, "you're cedric diggory man, you worked your ass off every day first year and by second year you were captain. you're not throwing it away because you're in a funk, i won't let you. now get your ass up before i hit you with my broom."

cedric took a deep breath and stood up, "fine."

cedric ended up going to quidditch practice for the first time in a week. it felt good, he loved the feeling of practicing, when the world would fade away and it was just him and the game. when he got off the pitch, he felt the same, just as lost and stuck as he was before.

he went back to his dorm hastily and sat back on his bed. anthony stormed in after him, "what the hell is wrong with you?"

"leave me alone." he spat.

"cedric, what's happening with you? this isn't you." he told him.

he stood up and began speaking, "i just- i don't-"

cedric couldn't stop himself, he felt a hot tear trail down his face. he began breaking heavily and pacing around the room, trying to calm himself down.

"woah." anthony muttered, he walked up to cedric and put his hands on his shoulders. "what's wrong with you?"

"i don't know man, i don't know what to do-" he began, anthony pulled him in for a hug.

"you'll be okay." he pulled away, just as he did so zach walked in.

zach stopped at the door, "oh, hell no." he walked right back out.

cedric began laughing, "you think he thinks we're fucking?"

"definitely." anthony padded him on the back, "that was so gay."

cedric inhaled, "...yeah..."

the two looked at each other awkwardly and laughed.

later that day, cedric decided to do something about harlow. he was gonna do something harlow called "taking back your power" or whatever she said one day while ranting about the patriarchy.

he stormed into the slytherin common room, walking past draco, daphne, and pansy and going straight to their dorm. he burst through the door, harlow was staring off at the wall.

"what's going on with you?" he asked.

"what?" she furrowed her eyebrows, taken off guard.

"don't fucking play dumb with me, lo. i know you and i know what it looks like when you're spiraling or doing some crazy self destructive shit. you can't do it anymore, harlow. i wont let you. you wanna know why? because you're not alone anymore. i mean, god, why can't you understand that? the shit you do fucking effects people, you can't just decide to isolate yourself because you're upset. it hurts harlow, it fucking hurts me. i know you're not okay, so i'm asking, begging, for you to admit it for once. don't send me away or say you're fine, like always-" he ranted.

he was cut off by a small voice, "you're right."

he was shocked, "what?"

"i'm not okay, ced." her voice cracked, he looked down at her for the first time since he walked in, she was sat in bed shivering with the covers pulled to her chin, despite the room being 21 degrees. her lips were chapped and cracked, in the cracks blood was settled. blood was also around her mouth. he looked down at the trash can and saw it overflowed with bloody tissues. "i'm really," she took a deep shaky breath, "not okay."