Losing myself....M.Y.G

13.

They all reached the destination for shooting and got ready to shoot the mv. Their stylists did their makeup and they changed their clothes.

Between the break , they all were drinking water but yoongi was in a rush. So few water drops fell doen his lips to the neck , removing the foundation just on the spot of hickey.

"CUT!" Pd-nim said and came to yoongi. "YOONGI WHATS THAT ON YOUR NECK?!" he yelled at him and yoongi looked down. He wasn't comfortable to tell.

"ANSWER ME WHEN I ASK!" he yelled again and yoongi flinched hard.  "H-hick-hickey" yoongi said just above a whisper and felt a hard sting on his left cheek. His face went in right direction. He immediately kept a hand on his cheek which had a red handprint.

No one dared to said anything knowing what can happen if they speak. Yoongi's eyes filled with eyes but he blinked them away.

"IS THAT WHY I KEPT YOU IN THE BAND?! TO SEDUCE THEM AND FUCK?! YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON I THOUGHT WILL BE A SLUT YOONGI!! AND YOU TOO ARE! I THOUGHT YOU WILL BE BY THEIR SIDE IN DIFFICULT TIMES CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE! BUT HERE YOU ARE! SEDUCING AND FUCKING THEM?! WHO DID YOU SEDUCE HUH? JUNGKOOK?! JIMIN?! NAMJOON?! JIN?! TAEHYUNG?! BET IT WAS HOSEOK HUH?!" Pd-nim didn't knew anything and lashed out on him while yoongi cant hold his tears back.

He looked down all the time while fresh tears fell down his cheeks constantly. He didn't even try to stop them. These sentences can break anyone and yoongi had a heart too. He had emotions too and he knew if ARMYs saw his hickey , they will hate him even more.

"NOW YOU ARE GONNA MAKE THE WHOLE MV WITH THAT HICKEY AND COLLAR DOWN SO ITS VISIBLE! THEN YOU WILL THINK 100 TIMES BEFORE SEDUCING ANYONE" Pd-nim said and yoongi immediately looked up at him. He shook his head whispering a thread of "no please."

"NOW START AGAIN!" pd-nim said ignoring yoongi and everyone nodded. Yoongi put his collar down like pd-nim told him and the hickey was visble to everyone.

He looked down and the music started. He danced as good as he can as thankfully he didnt mess up nor he fell down. After their whole shooting for day 1. They changed into some comfortable dress and went to their van.

Yoongi didnt even fake smiled from that time. He became gloomy and looked down everytime. Namjoon's phone ringed and it was pd-nim calling. He answered and put the call on speaker so everyone can hear.

Pdnim: good work boys. Tomorrow also come at the same time and be ready and give the phone to yoongi and turn the speaker off.

Eveyone said yes and gave the phone to yoongi who took it with shaky hands and turned the speaker off.

"YOU BETTER NOT SEDUCE ANYONE ATLEAST FOR 3 DAYS! I DONT ANYMORE HICKIES ON YOU AND YOU GONNA SHOOT LIKE THAT TOMORROW TOO! ALSO TRY TO WALK CAREFULLY , I SAW HOW YOU LIMPED SO WALK PROPERLY OTHERWISE DONT COME TO SHOOT!" Pd-nim yelled and yoongi whispered a small 'yes' before cutting the call.

Yoongi lost his trust in everyone of the members. He remembers how much he argued with pd-nim to save them all everytime something happened. This was not his first slap , he was kinda used to it. Yoongi would always get a slap when he tried to save the members from the problems and take the blame instead.

He didnt even wanted to look at them. Nobody came to say for him when he cant speak for himself. Nobody came to explain. They just looked at him with eyes full of pity. He hated it. He didn't wanted to do it anymore.

As soon as they reached the dorm , he ran to his room and locked the door. Others wanted to go behind him but jk blocked them.

"There's no point. Nobody saved him and told pd-nim everything. Leave him alone" jk said coldly and everyone else looked down knowing what he was saying was true. They even held jk back when he wanted to explain everything.

*YOONGI'S POV*

Hello slut
I-i am n-not a sl-slut

How are you feeling?
I-i d-dont know

The members are fighting downstairs because of you..
N-no this ca-cant be

See nobody came to save you , they don't need you
N-no its n-not true

Just die , you are a burden.
I k-know

You saw yourself how no one came to speak for you. You a just a burden like hoseok said.
C-correct

Because of you , they started fighting.
I-i need t-to d-die

Voices are back. I need my blade. I need to cut. I opened my bathroom and supported myself on the sink. I took the blade and made cuts on my shoulder coz my hands are already bandaged.

I hissed on every cut but just made the next one more deeper. I kept the blade away coz I didn't wanted to faint.

I want to sleep and never wake up again. And I fainted when I reached my bed. Everything went black and my head felt heavy.

*END OF POV*

When yoongi woke up , it was 2 am. When they came back it was 7 in the evening. Damn he slept a lot. He was hungry and went downstairs to the kitchen. He didn't wanted to eat anything so he just drank some warm milk and stared at his ceiling for the whole night. Arguing with his brain for some moments in between too