Losing myself....M.Y.G

29.

"What about it baby?" Jin asked again and namjoon whispered "can u stop calling him baby?" "He is my first son , stfu" jin answered and looked at yoongi again. "N-never me-mention me i-in any co-concert ev-ever ag-again. P-people may fi-find out who i- am. I d-dont want t-that. I am n-not re-ready" yoongi said looking down , ready for someone to lash out on him. He came here for such a stupid reason , ofcourse someone will get angry.

"DID U SERIOUSLY COME HERE FOR SUCH A STUPID REASON HYUNG?!" Hoseok yelled without a second thought and yoongi flinched hard. "Ma-many f-fans are mes-messaging m-me pri-privately as-asking fo-for a face reveal. I g-got 45 d-death thr-threats after t-the con-concert. Th-they are st-starting to re-recognise me as y-yoongi" yoongi explained and looked at hobi whose face was still filled with rage like he would blast anytime.

Hoseok calmed himself down and looked at yoongi who instantly looked down when they meet eyes. "We are sorry yoongi. Can we make it up to you?" Jin asked again and yoongi shook his head. "I-its okay d-dont wo-worry. J-just never m-mention me a-again. P-please I m-made my h-health b-better with v-very di-difficulty. I-i cant af-afford to sur-survive an-anymore" Yoongi said and got up.

"What do u mean hyung?." Tae asked darkly and yoongi gulped. "Y-you don't n-need to kn-know. I w-will be le-leaving. So-sorry for the di-disturbance" yoongi said and ran outside to a random taxi.

He reached minhyun's apartment and ran inside instantly. "Hyung are you okay?" Minhyun asked worried about the older who was still panting cause he ran all the way to 5th floor. "Sorry for disturbing you both. I am okay dont worry hyunnie. Jihye I am taking your boyfriend for quiet a while" yoongi said taking minhyun to his apartment.

"Okay so what happened?" Minhyun asked and yoongi started searching his whole apartment. "I went to BTS" yoongi said calmly still throwing things here and there ro search. "Okay th-......WAIT WHAT?!" Minhyun responded and went to yoongi. "Why?" He asked again and yoongi showed his his dm's from some ARMYs.

"Talking was necessary. They wont stop talking about me and I wont stop getting hate. Anyways help me find my diary that I told you right , that one with all the things I wrote when I was depressed?" Yoongi asked and minhyun nodded. "Okay lets find it" minhyun said stretching his hands.

After 50 minutes..

"I cant find it hyung~" minhyun whined plopping down on the couch tired already. "I cant believe you are younger than me. Tired already. Get up and help me. I swear I kept it with me , what if I left it in the dorm?! I didnt use it after shifting. Okay I am really scared right now hyun!" Yoongi groaned.

"Just ask them again" minhyun said and got hit by a pillow immediately. "Like literally Fuck off hyun!" Yoongi screamed and minhyun groaned. "What if I actually left it?" Yoongi groaned grabbing his hair frustratingly. "What was written in it?" Minhyun asked curiously and yoongi teared up in frustration.

"The reasons I was depressed , means choreographers , even members at some times , yujin , ARMYs. How much hatred I got. I got every photo of my cuts and scars in that diary. Every hate comment that forced me to cut was written in it. The voice inside my mind used to force me to write things I didn't wanted to. My plans for dieting. Every time I went to my psychiatrist , the results were written in that , which was not good. Even the times I coughed blood were written. My plans for suicide were written too." Yoongi explained , some sniffs coming out from him.

Minhyun hugged him tigthly. "Its okay it must be here only. You didn't leave it. Its okay , lets find it hyung" minhyun comforted and oongi nodded rubbing his eyes harshly. "What if they saw it if i left it there?" Yoongi whispered and minhyun rubbed his back softly. "Lets find it okay?" Minhyun asked and yoongi nodded getting up with wobbly legs.

After 4 hours

Yoongi was still find it. Minhyun left to his apartment after searching for it for quite a while. Yoongi checked everywhere , even his washing machine , laundry basket , cupboards , drawers , under the bed EVERYWHERE. He didnt find it.

The cover was a picture yoongi took of few cherry blossoms trees in a damn garden path. He customized the diary himself. There were few small spaces for some small and thin things. He kept blades there. He would take that diary everywhere.

Yoongi got up and hailed a cab to the hybe labels. He went straight to pd-nim's office and knocked on the door softly. "Come in" yoongi heard and got inside. "What hap- yoongi?!" Pd-nim was shocked. "I need the keys for my studio , i think i left something very important there" yoongi said.

"The members already took everything you owned to their dorm" pd-nim said looking at yoongi up and down. "HOW CAN YOU LET THEM ENTER?! THEY CANT SEE THAT!!" Yoongi screamed now very sure all the members have already read that diary.

"No wonder you were nearly raped yoongi. Only if u didn't know me , i would have tried too" pd-nim said eyeing the younger again and coming near him. "W-what do y-you m-mean?" Yoongi asked backing away. "Do I have to ask for permission?" Pd-nim asked smirking and went closer to yoongi.

Yoongi ran out of the company feeling disgusted with himself again. He hated his body. He ran all the way to his apartment and fell down on the floor after locking the door.