Prologue

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Do people really meant when they say the word i love you? Do love really exist? If so why i didn't know a thing about it. Why it's not existing in the world im leaving.

"Stop meddling with my life Fernando" i heard as my mother shouted

Im inside my room that full of darkness. Blankly staring at the window watching the stars.

"You stop meddling with mine lucia!" My father fired back

It is always been  like that every night they're argue on something that will always end in me as the subject.

"Why can't we just let each other go. Why don't you try talking back to your mother and tell her that this marriage is fuck up" she angrily shouted

"bakit hindi ikaw ang gumawa lucia? Ikaw ang kating kati na tapusin ang lintik na relasyon na to? Why can't you tell to my mother that you fucking want to be freed in this marriage? Why can't you? Afraid of being not able to give yourself the luxurious life? Or afraid that your other person will be known  " Galit man ay may panunuyang sabi ni papa

This is the first time in my entire night hearing them fight to know about the other person. Ang alam ko lang ay pinagkasundo sila ,parehas na ayaw sa isat isa at parehas nilang kinasusuklaman na nabuo ako

"Hah! Talking like innocent are we? Didn't you also have the you so  called other person fernando? At ako? Natatakot na mawalan ng luho? Isn't it you who's scared of not being able to give your tons of women money? You talk big fernando"

" We cannot end this relationship lucia you know what mother can do when she's not pleased" kalmado nang saad ni papa

"Kung hindi ka isat kalahating  tanga na binuntis ako edi sana matagal na tayong namumuhay ng mapayapa. Why do you have to stop me from aborting that useless child!" She angrily shouted as I heard her footsteps walk away

It didn't affect me, I'm used on hearing them say such a cruel things to me.

When i know that they're both gone, nagsuot ako ng black hoodie with my pajama at lumabas ng kwarto

"Aurlie wag kang magpapagabi" narinig kong paalala ni aling norma the head maiden

I didn't bother to give her a glace and just walk like i didn't hear a thing she say

Lumabas ako ng at nagpunta sa isang park katapat ng subdivision na tinitirhan namin

I sat on the swing and let my self enjoy the sound of silence

"You're as useless as your father! I shouldn't have give birth to you!"

"Why do you need to ruin my life?"

"Instead of being a burden why don't you try making your grandmother proud you useless piece of shit! Kahit yon lang ang maitulong mo sa pagsira mo sa buhay ko!"

"Why is this happening to me? Am i really that a bad person in my past life for this to happen to me? Am i not deserving to be loved?" I said without any emotion

Remembering those line of my parents doesn't make me sad, it makes me want to kill my self para wala na silang pag awayan at para pareho na silang mamuhay ng payapa

Nang may nakita akong paparating na sasakyan ay tumayo ako sa pagkakaupo sa duyan at naglakad para salubungin ito

Nang medyo may kalapitan na I closed my eyes ang smile

This is the best way to take all of my sadness out of me

When i thought i will already let go of the sadness that i keep in my self someone grabbed me

Napasubsob ako sa kalsada

"Ay sorry tumatakbo kase ako may humahabol kase saking zombie pasensya na!" Sigaw ng kung sino at nang akmang babalingan ko na ito ay mabilis itong nawala sa aking paningin

"Zom....bie?" Nalilitong tanong ko


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