Heaven is Hell

2

"Morning", I said entering the (actually closed) shop.

"Excuse me ma'am we are closed at the moment", Aziraphale said.

"No shit, Aziraphale"

"No need for that kind of language! But why do you know my name? Have we met?"

"Nope"

"So how do you know me then? And who are you"

"Laurie"

"Laurie?"

"Yeah, Laurie"

"Alright, but how do you know my name?"

"I know everything"

"I know that young people often feel like they do, but unfortunately they don't. No one will ever know everything."

"God does"

"Do you want to say your god?"

"No, I'm better"

I can read minds, so I know what he thought.
"Teenagers and their god complexes, Lord give me strength"
(I don't usually read minds, but this was an exeption)

"Why would think that?"

"I'm cooler and gayer"

"That doesn't make you better. She is almighty"

"I'm too"

"Why would you think THAT?"

"She told me"

"Why would she?"

This was the moment I waited for.

"She's my mom"

Aziraphale looked at me as if I was crazy.

"Why should I believe you?"

I also waited for this question and turned one of the cups standing around into a frog.

"You could still be an angel or a demon in disguise."

"For mom's sake! You wanna ask her in person? I could arrange that"

"Well, yes"

"Mom, tell him", I screamed towards heaven.

I'm not sure how she did it, but after I asked her she gave him a vision or something. Doesn't really matter what  exactly happened. Important is, that he believed me afterwards.

"I need to talk to Crowley about this", he whispered to himself.

"Yes you do, but first WE have to talk about Crowley", I said sitting down in an armchair miracaling a cup of tea for myself.
"Do you want one too?", I asked when he sat down looking very confused.