You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when sky's are grey-
"You have a choice. Get the surgery, or forfeit the company. You've never needed to use your emotions before, what will be the difference now?"
Those words stung more than anything, but just as if proving him correct, the man sighs. This is the third time he has been prompted with this question, and now he has to give an answer. The only thing he has to do left is sign the waver, and give Jaehee instructions. This is going to be a long, agonizing week.
He coughs one final time, brushing the petals into the trash. It's not like she would ever love him anyways.
Yet somewhere off on the distance, someone's illness rapidly snaps, becoming fatal in an instance. So she weeps, silently, and pushes herself to her desk, picking up the pen she stole from his office, and starts to write.
-You make me happy, when sky's are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you-
"Days linger and the full moon and wine seem to be your only companion. Your lifeline sits at your feet and purrs, that soft sweet melody you yearn to hear. You swirl that toxic liquid in that glass worth more than an entire person's life. You sit in a chair made of the highest quality cloud, and gaze off into the night. You think no one sees the way your soul breaks more each day, and how your shoulders sag when no one is near. You think no one can tell your smiles dwindle when he comes around, asking that same poisonous question each time.
I do though, and how I wish I could have been there to stop that last arrow from piercing your heart. Because you were loved, you are still loved, even if you cannot love yourself. At least, not anymore.
The only thing I failed to notice were the blossoms filling your drawers and trashcans. I was sadly, too focused on my own.
Maybe this is an act of rebellion against the world, but I'm no stranger to that.
I write this final note to you, the one who sits alone in a room full of people. And I apologize. I apologize for not sitting next to you when I had the chance.
Fate is funny, that way. For now, I only wish you the best. I leave you my bear, his name is Jumin. Maybe you'll be less alone with him. I leave you my cat, I pray you take him in. I know you love Jiji and would joke about stealing him. You don't have to steal him anymore. I leave you them, and my little white kitten plush named snowflake too, I've had her since I was a baby, be careful she may turn to dust on you to be frank. And, I leave you this note.
I apologize, dear friend, and dear love, for not coming forwards sooner, for not sitting near you sooner, for not blocking that arrow. And I hope, I can be forgiven someday.
I love you, Jumin, my beautiful broken soul. I hope we meet again soon.
-Chaton
He attends her wake. He attends her funeral. He attends the "party" after. He paid for none of it, despite some desperate wanting to. Maybe, it would help him feel something, he would argue. But it never did.
He reads that note over and over, trying to find that strange emotion and feeling he used to when she would write him notes. But he couldn't.
Days passed, and so did others. Her cat Jiji was quick to follow, and yet he never shed a tear. Elizabeth was still here he argued, he hadn't even known Jiji for that long. At least his final moments were peaceful.
Months passed and the days grew shorter. The drinks grew more frequent. That engagement was called off, she couldn't be with someone who wouldn't even look at her. That didn't matter to him, he felt much more comforted by an empty house.
Years passed and he finally sat down to write. He picked up the pen she had stolen from his office, finally back in his grasp, having been hidden away for years. He picked up a glass of wine with the other hand, and began to write.
"You spent so much time watching, that I began to memorize your eyes. The deepest shade of brown I had ever seen, and yet it always seemed to change, I always thought it was a trick of the light. Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn't.
Your expressions would change as well, your eyes furrowing in thought, or lighting up with joy. I have never seen someone so open with their emotions, yet so closed off with their intentions. It frightened me, but I would have never told you that.
It's been years since your passing, and I've been trying to find a way to respond. It's hard to respond to an emotion with logic, and yet here I am, writing. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's impossible.
I tried to feel for days, for months for years but it's gone, I had known that then, but I was desperate. I know that now, and I am accepting.
I've forgiven you, I always had, and I'm sorry you felt that way for so long. But why did you never say anything? I'm sure if I could feel I would have felt angry, but even then that would never have lasted for long. I was never able to stay angry at you. I'm sure you knew why, you always made the same face. Mischievous brat.
I've grown weary, I feel as though I've aged decades. It's only been 3 years.
And I've regretted that surgery, you know.
I'm sure I miss you, I know I do, but I don't feel that way. I'm sure in another life I would have mourned you in the way you deserved, and I'm sorry I couldn't in this one.
I've forgiven you, I always will little chaton. I hope you're resting easy with Jiji, he missed you. Perhaps a little too much.
Your bear is always in my bed, where you used it sit. Your cat is in my office, in front of me as I write.
Your bear may be on my lap, but I would never confess that.
I hope you gained wings, you always wanted to fly. I now realize that was a guise to get me to throw you, but I like to still believe you truly wanted to fly. It's funnier that way, it seems. If only I could still laugh.
I miss you.
-Your longing admirer
No one read that letter until his own "party". It was a friend who had found them and the note, and refused to release the note until the "party", where it was just friends.
No one ever had fun at those parties.
Most believe they both gained wings, but she never learned to fly. She never wanted to.
Most believe he still helps her fly, and they laugh together, for the first time in three years.
Most believe, that you can still hear them, when the moon shines bright, and the world is still.
Laughing together, forevermore.
-Please don't take...
my sunshine....
away.
