First Choice (Sam Wilkinson/Nash Grier)

Chapter 102

I'm still reeling from that kiss by the end of gym. Nash acts like nothing happened and I'm too scared to try and bring it up or kiss him again. I'm a little disappointed when I walk into Chemistry and Sam's seat is empty. I try to act like it doesn't bother me that he isn't here but my thoughts keep going back to where he could be as the class drags on.

Matthew is sat a few rows behind me and I fight off the urge to turn around and ask him if he knows where Sam is. I shouldn't be thinking about him, at all.

Lunch is quiet. Comfortable, but quiet. Nash and I don't say much but it's nice just to sit with him. He eats a burrito and fries and I go without food. He offers me his fries multiple times to which I decline and sip on his chocolate milk instead. I'm just not hungry today.

Fifth period is uneventful and I fall asleep twice in last period. School seems to be becoming more and more boring. Senioritis is real.

I've already got my colleges lined up, Sam and I took SATs and ACTs in the the beginning of the year. Thinking back to our late night study sessions and all the vocabulary flashcards I had to go over with him makes me smile.

An ache begins to build in my chest and I rest my head against my desk. It's always going to be this way. He's been such a huge part of my life for so long, he's left his mark permanently and I don't think it will ever go away. Too many of my memories are filled with his smile.

I plan to go to Nebraska State University and so did Sam but I don't know if that's still his plan. Nash and I haven't even discussed college yet and that scares me, I might end up on my own.

The bell rings and I sit there for a second, just staring at the desk in front of me. What has happened to me? How did I get here? It seems impossible that senior year could be ending soon and I'll be a completely different person than I was when it started. Change terrifies me.

I hear my name and I realize the classroom is empty besides my teacher collecting things from her desk and placing them in her bag. I turn in the direction of the person calling my name and I see Nash leaning against the doorframe waiting for me. I must look sad because Nash frowns and walks towards me. I grab my bag from the floor and paint a smile onto my face. I stand as he walks up to me and he looks over me.

"You alright?" He asks but I ignore him. I grab his hand in mine and squeeze it as I pull him out of the classroom. He doesn't say anything gladly and when we get outside to his car he doesn't protest when I push him back against the passenger door and press my lips to his.

His mouth is still for a moment, momentarily shocked by my hasty actions. He doesn't react until I bite his bottom lip and than he's full on, his hands tugging at the belt loops of my shorts to pull me closer.

"Damn, what's gotten into you?" He asks as he pulls away, smirking as I roll my eyes and bring my lips back to his. I don't miss how pink his face appears to have gotten. Maybe it's wrong but kissing Nash like this is enough to make the pain away, to dull the throbbing.

His lips taste of sweet mint and I bet he's got gum in his mouth. He licks over my lips and I open them without hesitation, my hands firm against his chest as he licks into my mouth.

I don't mean to be so full on but Nash seems to always love it when I'm like this. He pulls away and his bright eyes scan my face.

"Everyone's watching," he chuckles and I flush slightly.

"Let them," the words leave my mouth before I even process them and Nash must like that idea because he cradles my face with both his hands and presses his lips to mine again.

He leans back against the car and I push up on my tip toes to press my body flush against his. It feels good whenever I'm in control, Nash seems to love it just as much. I reach my hand up into his hair and he moans into my mouth as I tangle my fingers in it. He pulls away and chuckles as my lips meet his neck.

"We should go, I need to drop you off so you can get ready," He says breathily, pulling away further. A grin pulls at his lips and I kiss the corner of them before I relax back onto my heels and his hold on my hips loosens. He opens the door for me and I get in, thankful to be away from everyone's watchful eyes.

He gets in and quickly starts the car. There's sexual tension building between us, the air in the car is thick and buzzing so I try my best to ignore it.

-

I am fully dressed, staring at myself in the mirror and wondering when Nash will be here. Any minute now.

It's almost 6:30 and the sun is beginning to set. It's supposed to be hot tonight and I've prepared. I'm wearing a red skater dress with a jean jacket and black vans. Nash didn't tell me how dressy the place we were going to be eating at was so I feel like I'm not prepared and I'm afraid I'll be over dressed or under dressed.

My hair is in a side braid with a few strands hanging out because it looks better when it's a little messy. I kick my feet up onto the coffee table and go on my phone. A text from Nash in my notifications greets me.

Almost there, sorry I'm late😅

I shove my phone into my pocket and head towards the door. I'm surprised to see a figure out side it and I open it before I know who it is. Sam stands in the doorway, staring at me with surprised eyes. There is a Tupperware dish in his hand which he holds tightly.

"Jasmine, I-I," he begins to speak, sounding as surprised and nervous as I feel. He stops himself as he takes in my outfit.

"I was just coming to give this to your mom, it's some of the lasagna my mom makes that she loves," he holds it towards me and I grab it from him. We stare at each other awkwardly and I don't speak.

"Um, are you going somewhere? I didn't mean to keep you if you were, I was actually hoping to catch your mom but..." He frowns as he is at a loss for words once again.

"Yeah I was just waiting for Nash to come pick me up," I say casually. I don't like how strange this feels. I don't like talking to him like we barely know each other. It's so weird to have to pick my words carefully and walk on eggshells when I'm so used to being the most comfortable around him.

"Oh, well I guess I'll just go ahead and go than. I'll tell my mom you said hi. She misses you," He adds. Sadness overtakes his features and I bite back the urge to reach out and touch his hand or ask what's wrong. I know what's wrong, I just won't be able to fix it.

"I miss her too," I miss you too...

"I know you do," he says softly. He stays silent and I do the same. The dish in my hand seems so much heavier than it did a second ago.

"Well I guess I'll see you around," he says after a moment. I nod, my eyes stinging as I swallow down a shaky breath. I want to ask him where he was today, ask him how he's been, how he and Sarah are because even though I don't want them together. I just want him to be happy. I don't ask though, those things are none of my business anymore.

"Yeah... Bye Sammy," it slips and I cringe at my idiocy and lack of self control. The use of the familiar pet name doesn't soothe the ache, it only makes it so much worse. His eyes widen, filled with an unreadable emotion, and I look away from the intensity.

"Good Bye Jasmine," something about his words seem off, not as sure as I thought they would be. Not like an actual farewell.

"You look beautiful by the way," he notes lightly. Butterflies flurry away in my stomach and when I look up to thank him he is already halfway down my driveway with his hands in his pockets and my heart wrapped around his finger.