First Choice (Sam Wilkinson/Nash Grier)

Chapter 45

I spent the night alone, deciding not to go back to Sam's or run to Nash. I knew Nash would just get angry at Sam and talk bad about him, and even though I was pissed off at Sam for getting mad for no reason, I wasn't in the mood to have Nash bash my Best friend.
Getting up the morning after was actually much better than expected, I was in a good for no reason but I decided not to question it and just enjoy it. I threw on a black "The Neighborhood" merchandise shirt, wearing a pair of black sweatpants underneath. I looked at my reflection in my hallway mirror as I braided my long black hair into a simple braid that laid over my shoulder. I stared at myself, my boring dark brown eyes looked back at me. I'd always thought they were so dull and I hated them. I mean, it was normal for black people to have brown eyes and we had a greater chance of getting them than other races, but I'd always been jealous of my mixed friends that got lucky enough to get blue or green eyes. To bad I inherited my mom's brown ones. I sighed, eyes skimming over my light brown skin and examining each of my insecurities. I stopped myself, not wanting to ruin my good mood. I put on my worn, red vans and grabbed my bag, turning and locking the door behind myself.
It's at the last second before I'm about to call Nash to come pick me up that I decide to go and check on Sam. Maybe he's had time to calm down and we'll actually be able to talk. I clutch my bag to my side as I walk up to his front door, testing the knob to find its unlocked so I just walk in, something usual for Sam and I when visiting the others house. It didn't matter if Sam was pissed off at me, this was still where I spent half my childhood and my other home.
"Sam?" I mindlessly call out as I waltz into the kitchen, halting in place with a gasp when she comes into view.
Sarah was standing at the stove, her long brown to blonde ombré hair hanging down her back. She's wearing a white shirt with a pair of black booty shorts and knee socks on. I gulp awkwardly when she sets down the spatula she had been using to stir her eggs and turns to me.
"Jasmine? What the fuck do you think you're doing just walking into Sam's house?" she asks rudely, giving me the once over and wrinkling her nose up in disgust.
"I don't need to knock on the door to my best friends house, now where is Sam?"
I'd hoped we could at least be cordial but apparently not.
"He's still asleep, I put him to bed really good last night. He's slept like a baby all night long." She smirks at me.
My heart clenches at the words and I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that the shirt she's wearing is one of Sam's. What exactly had they done last night. I don't let myself ponder it any longer, I knew it would hurt to much to think about.
"I-I just need to talk to Sam and-"
"I don't think you heard me very well. He's asleep... So just go away."
"I didn't even see your car in the driveway." I muttered.
She scoffed lightly, "That's cause Sam picked me up, said he wanted to spend time with me and that he missed me."
It felt amazing to know that after our fight, Sam went and ran to Sarah, something I even had the decency not to do with Nash.
I glare at her clenching my fist at my sides. There are so many things I want to say to her but it's like I can't get the words to come out. I act so outspoken but the truth is that Sarah intimidates me and I fell so insecure and pathetic when I'm around her.
She's got everything I want and more.
The girl is gorgeous.
She's perfectly built, not to thin or chubby. She doesn't have a stomach that sticks out or fat that seems to accumulate in all the wrong places. Shes got long legs that seem to go on for miles and she's a bombshell. Her bright eyes seem to have a way of capturing people's attention unlike the way that people wouldn't even take a second glance at mine. Her eyes are the perfect mixture of blue and green, more of a teal color, really, with flecks of brown in them.
Her long hair is curled, and I'm oh so envious. I always wanted to dye my hair but because of my hair texture, being mixed and all, the chances of my hair being severely damaged were too high. I also could never get my hair to curl the way she does, sure I had natural curls that Nash seemed to like, but the curls Sarah made with the curling iron were always so beautiful and simplistic.
"Didn't you hear me?" I said, feeling so awkward standing here in the kitchen doorframe as I watched her make Sam breakfast, watched her wear Sam's shirt, watched her be all the things I never could be, and have all the things I never could have.
I suddenly felt like someone from the outside looking in, like an intruder on what would have been a perfect morning for the two of them.
She didn't say anything for a while, so I was shocked when she suddenly spoke.
"You're really kind of pathetic, you know? Sam would be so much happier if you weren't constantly hanging around him, stealing all his friends, stealing all his time that he could be spending with his girlfriend, which is me." she finished with an annoying giggle.
"You just have a way of sucking all the happiness out of his life." She scoffed, walking over to the cupboard to get plates.
I swallowed thickly, eyes stinging as I felt tears coming on.
"You have no right to say that shit to me. You don't even know me." I shouted, taking a few steps towards her.
"I don't need to know you to know that you make Sam unhappy. I'm his girlfriend, and what are you?" She asked rhetorically.
"You're just some girl who's been hanging around him since the 4th grade that he can't seem to get rid of, and now you're forcing your way into our relationship and I've had enough of it." She said lowly, stepping towards me as well and getting in my face.
"You're just some stupid girl who needs to realize that he doesn't want you, he doesn't care about you, and he definitely doesn't need you." she whispered lowly, finally saying the words that broke me.
Sam doesn't need me.
This whole time she'd said these hurtful things to me and I couldn't find one thing to say back.
"Maybe he doesn't need me, but he damn sure doesn't need you either." I spat, my weak attempt at a retort.
"Maybe not, but at least he wants me." She said knowingly, pursing her lisp and looking at me with disgust once again.
That was it, the last thing I was holding onto. The hope that even if I didn't mean as much to Sam as he meant to me, at least I meant something to him. According to Sarah, that wasn't true, and maybe she was right and I was too clouded by love to see it before.
"You have a boyfriend now anyways, right? Congrats on Nash, even though I have no idea how you managed to do it."
I shook my head at her cruelty. I'd thought we were at least just friends for the sake of Sam's feelings, but now I knew that she'd probably always hated me.
Hot tears pooled at my lashes before overflowing onto my heated cheeks, me furiously whipping them away one after the other as they refused to stop.
"Awe, sweetie. You didn't honestly ever think that Sam would go for you, right?" She screwed her face into a fake sympathetic smile that left a bad taste in my mouth.
"Maybe you should just go." She nodded and pointed to the door behind us.
I felt so attacked, so unwanted. What reason did I have to stay? No one wanted me here, and I couldn't stand it for one more second, this feeling of being so out of place.
"Just- Just don't tell Sam that I even came." I whispered lowly as I turned and walked, glancing back over my shoulder as she muttered, "I wasn't planning to." followed my a hideous laugh that I knew Sam probably adored.
He probably adores all of her, and I would never be able to compete with that.