I Can't See The Sky...

6. Lose Yourself, And Then Another.

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(Kylie's POV)

I wanted to turn and smack at the lift doors until they opened, but my body refused to move.

It was like this force inside me insisted that I stick around and make matters worse.

I took a deep breath, trying to channel any aspect of me that could deal with this.

My body tensed, and my expression contorted into an unreadable one.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, regretting the words the second they spilled from my mouth.

Aiden raised his eyebrows at me.

"Is that what you're going to ask me?"

Aaron stayed silent, choosing instead to simply look at me. His gaze held sympathy and pity, and it made me rip mine away from him, and focus back on Aiden.

Anger, I could handle. Yelling, even though it hurt, I could take it. But, pity...? That scarred deeper than anything, because it gave me the false belief that whoever pitied me could understand what was going on. And I hated that.

"I don't know what else you want me to say."

"How about you start with an explanation? Or a sorry-for-ghosting-and-worrying-you-when-I-didn't-need-to? Or how about a- you know what? Nevermind. It's not like anything is going to come from this anyways."

Aiden looked pointedly at Aaron before the two of them- Aaron more reluctantly- turned and began walking away.

Helplessness welled up in me.

I wanted to shout out their names and scream at them to come back, but nothing worked.

Nothing worked. And so, I just stood there, stupidly, staring at their backs as they got further and further away, with each slow step.

I wanted to collapse all over again, but I didn't.

I just turned around and pressed the lift button, before walking straight through the open doors.

~~~~~~

The rest of the day passed in a blur.

A numb blur.

There were sights, there were sounds and they were smells. But I didn't register any of them. My head was empty, my chest ached, and my heart felt like someone was squeezing it.

Everything felt blank and distant.

So, naturally sleep was welcome that day. But of course, when it's needed the most, it didn't make an appearance.

After about 2 hours of trying to coax myself to sleep, I gave up and groped around for my phone.

I located it and turned it on, blinking at the sudden brightness in the dark room.

My fingers moved of their own accord, and I found myself re-reading old texts and going through old pictures of mine and Ryder's.

The pain of losing him was the most prominent and the only feeling in the inky darkness.

For a long time, we'd just been schoolmates. He was a year older than me, and we'd just see glances of each other here and there. Until we both decided to sign up for the comedy play our school was hosting.

I still remember his audition. That bright smile on his face, and his shining aquamarine eyes. And that laugh... I remember the sheer contagiousness of his laugh as it ricocheted around the auditorium, setting everyone's funny bones on fire.

I could tell by the teacher's face that she didn't even have to think before casting Ryder in the lead role.

Then came the female auditions. Up until then, I'd never had a problem performing on stage. And I had done so many times, but something about seeing the way Ryder had performed made me think I'd never get selected.

And so, I'd hidden behind the stage curtain, hoping I'd get by-passed, but none other than Ryder had found me there, and convinced me to go on stage. He'd even sat beside where I'd stood on the stage smiling confidently up at me everytime I'd faltered.

He'd made the audtition truly special for me, and I'd always been grateful for that.

The teacher had even pulled us aside after the audition and praised us for our 'chemistry' before insisting that we were cast into the lead roles.

Ryder and I were both extremely happy, and he even took me out for ice-cream after.

And after that, we were practically inseparable. And when the exams came around, our parents literally had to bolt us in so we wouldn't hang out, but after our first few papers suffered, they begrudgingly decided to let us study together.

Ryder and I topped our classes that term, which of course, called for more ice-cream.

And then of course the practice for the play began, and when Ryder and I read the scripts we spent the whole week blushing at the slightest touch from each other.

Apparently, the person who'd made the posters had actually put the wrong genre on the flyer, and everyone was expected to know that it was a romance and not a comedy. Plus, because of time constraints Ryder and I couldn't even think of dropping out.

So, we did the play.

Every sappy line, every cheesy come-back, and every little blush led upto the apex of the play, where Ryder and I claimed each other's first kisses on stage with such perfection you'd think we'd done it a million times. But we hadn't.

After that, Ryder and I continued to flirt, and be generally annoying, but we'd never seen each other as anything other than friends.

My fingers flicked mindlessly through the millions of photographs, until I stopped to scan one.

A selfie of Ryder and I, a little while after I'd come crying to him about a stolen notebook.

In fact, I still had tears running down my cheeks, and my eyes still looked a little puffy, when Ryder had hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek and told me he'd get me a new one, with just as many- or maybe even more- skulls on it.

Then, he taken my phone from me, and taken the selfie, promising me it would be okay, and I'd believed him.

In the 2 years I'd known Ryder, he'd never ever let me down. And now, I'd gone and done just that.

And, I hated myself for it.

I'd gone and ripped apart one of the most important relationships in my life, and deep down, I couldn't help but wonder how many more would follow.