Broken soul(Hanji x Mreader)

The fall of wall Maria

NARRATOR'S POV

You woke up having the same relaxing feeling you had when you had gone to bed, yet you didn't mind. You looked at you're window only to see the sun had just started to rise. You got out of bed with more energy than you usually would, you walken towards your bathroom. Once inside you decided to wash you're face so you would get any tired feeling out of your sistem; you then looked up to see you're reflexion.

That's when that relaxed feeling left you're body. As you looked at you're reflexion you saw a young boy... a boy who once was.... kind, sweet, always smiling, optimistic, calm.... and now.... now you were looking at someone at a grown man.... a man who didn't even remember what it felt like to truly smile, a man who had become a bitter person to those who didn't respect those who sacrificed themselves so man kind could continue living peacefully, a man who was no longer optimistic, a man who could easily get mad and that man.... that man was you. You had lost you're smile, you had become bitter, you had stopped being optimistic, you had anger inside of you no.... you had hatred.

Seeing this made you realize something.... time changes people, for good or bad; maybe you could have remained being that boy if you had let people into you're heart... into you're broken soul. But yet you didn't, why? because you knew that as soon as you got close to someone this world of hell would take them away from you. Sure you still had a few friends like Petra, Levi, Gunther, Eld, Oluo, Erwin and Hanji. Hanji.... for some reason you were kinder towards her than other people, you often questioned yourself about you're feelings towards her.

You were Erwin's second hand which also meant you were Hanji's section comander; this meant that you her and you're team went on expeditions. The moment you saw her you knew she would one hell of a scout AND boy we're you right. She was an extremely smart, skilled, brave person and not only that but she was also kind, sweet and energetic. BUT the most important thing was that she was what you could call perfection; she was beautiful, EVERYTHING about her was beautifully. Wait... what the hell were you thinking? You were her superior and not only that but you knew what would happen if you fell in love with her.

 As soon as you become attached to someone this world of hell would take them away. If you ever fell in love you knew that they're loss would make you lose you're purpose in life...BUT YOU JUST COULDN'T HELP IT. Maybe if you tried distancing yourself from her then you wouldn't suffer as much as you think you would.

Y/N'S POV

I finished washing my face and reflecting about myself... like always... always remembering... remembering those painful moments and.... Hanji. I remember how sweet she was towards me last night.... I on the other hand.... I was an asshole towards her. But I had to be.... in this world of hell there is no room for love... never has been... never will be..... so then why do I fell like this towards Hanji?. I shook my head trying to snap myself out of the train of thought I was having, I had a mission today and I have to be focused.

I started getting changed. Even though it was still early I decided to have breakfast that way I had more time to talk to Erwin and Comander Keith about the expedition and how to avoid as many casualties as we could. I hated seeing people suffer like me.... mourning, crying, screaming, and blaming themselves. I NEVER EVER want to see someone like me.

Soon I finished getting changed. I looked at myself in the mirror. How would my dad feel about this? How  would Dany feel about this? 'Stop thinking Y/n you have to focus' I said as I started coming my h/l h/c, once I was satisfied with my look I exited the room.

One thing I often asked myself as I walk through these halls is... Will I ever be happy? Will I see my friends after this expedition? Would I ever get to see my mom again?.... My mom..... I haven't seen her since a couple of weeks; maybe I should see her after this expedition... and hopefully convince her to move into my house inside Wall Rose. That way I could spend more time with her. My thoughts were interupted when I bumped into someone, knocking them down.