Broken soul(Hanji x Mreader)

New commander

'WALL MARIA HAS FALLEN' He yelled.

Everyone in that room stayed in silence. Never in a million years would I or anyone think or even imagine this happening. In only a few hours we had lost major territory and not only that, but thousands if not millions of innocent lives where lost. I couldn't imagine what those who survived were feeling.... what ever they were feeling there was one thing I knew for sure they felt fear.... to be honest I was scared as well. I had literally saved my mom from death and I-I didn't even k-kn-know it; just thinking about made me feel a pain in my chest I knew all to well.

It was the same pain I felt when Danny died... when dad died.... when I saw my friends die in the most horrendous way posible and I couldn't do anything. I honestly don't know what I would have done if mom... had died. My soul was already broken; I honestly think that if she had actually died.... I would never be able to get healed... or maybe I could but I just didn't want to. After all I have friends who, even though I don't show it I see them as family except for Hanji.... to me Hanji is something more... 'Wait nonono I have to stop I have to stop I have to stop. I shouldn't feel like this; I musn't feel like this... then why? why? WHY? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THAT YOUNG BOY I ONCE WAS WHEN I'M AROUND HER!?' I thought. Soon my thought were interrupted.

'We can't do anything.... We must leave this in the hands of the King.... and hope for the best' A man said.

Hearing that made me furious. The king.... The king doesn't give a fuck if we die. 'The king wouldn't give a damn' I said in a cold tone; I turned around to see almost everyone in the room shocked. 'Oh please don't act all shocked and shit. We all know very damn well the king wouldn't care; and face it I bet right now he's in his palace drinking wine and eating in peace, he knows that he's safe and sound as we speak' I said as a looked at every single man in that room.

'How.... HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT YOU'RE KING LIKE THAT!?!?' One of the men said, face red as blood.

He was the only one to actually speak up; the rest seemed to agree as guilt soon took over them. They knew I was right; they wouldn't say it out loud but I was right. I looked at the man who yelled at me 'All I'm saying is nothing but the truth; and if you can't handle it..... well..... I suggest you leave and let the men who actually care about others speak' I said serious.

To my happiness he got up and left. I looked at the men and sighed. 'Sadly it is to late for use to send any scouts, wether Garrison Regiment scouts, Survey Corp scouts or even the Military Police scout it's hopeless. The only thing we would do is send them to the slaughter house. So right know I think we should wait a few months. That way we have time to think of a way to slowly but effectively regain our territory' I said as I looked out the window. I could see various clouds of smoke past Wall Rose and Trost. It shattered my heart; many people lost their homes, family, friends.....

'You're right Y/n' Commander Keith said. 'However I think we should tell the king before he tries to make or devise a plan that will cost millions of lives. Now all those in favor of this idea say I' Commander Keith said as he looked around the room.

NARRATOR'S POV

To you're surprise everyone said 'I'. You were glad that other people were concerned about the lives of the villagers. But one thing for sure that was on you're mind was what Commander Keith had said about the king .... What did he mean about him making a plan that would cost thousands of lives? Wait.... he wasn't thinking about the king sending civilians out right?. NO that would ruin his reputation..... or would it make him look like a good king?. You couldn't know for now.

But just thinking about men and women dying and not being able to do anything made you feel guilty. It shouldn't make you feel guilty, it wasn't you're fault that the king had decided to make this decision; yet you did. You felt as if I didn't do anything, as if all the work and effort you had put in you're life as a Survey Corp was useless. You then thought about you're mother. What if she was among the civilians who were sent to this suicide mission? The thought of it made the pain in you're heart grow even more. 'No I'll make sure nothing happens to her. I wont let anyone hurt her or take her away from me' you thought; you were determined to do this... NO MATER WHAT.