*there is a story called "Waves of the Ocean" which is a copy from this book without permission - please do NOT read it.
𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒 | Josephine Bukater Lauder was everything a well brought up girl should be. She had been taught to speak when spoke...
TW* mentions anxiety, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts read with care
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April 12th, 1912
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JOSEPHINE'S EYES STARED STRAIGHT AHEAD as the dinner table rang out in elegant chatter. She was tightly holding onto the fork in her hand as she tried to even out her breathing. Next to her, Ruth was speaking quietly with the Countess of Rothes, both women gossiping about some superficial topic that Josephine paid no mind to.
She asked herself if it had always been this way. If the people of her world had always been this shallow and mindless. But a part of her already knew that they had, she was just blind to it at first. And now that she felt lonelier than ever, the girl had started noticing just how much she could not stand most of the people that sat around her.
If anyone were to actually pay attention to her, they would tell that she was in the midst of an inward breakdown that she was having a hard time with. But they were all so engrossed in their own lives and matters, that no one was glancing at the brown-eyed girls' direction.
Her hand slowly started squeezing the fork harder, so much so that she gasped to herself as she felt a sharp pain in her hand. Josephine released the silverware and placed it down to see a red mark on her hand from where it had been digging into her delicate skin.
In order to distract herself, she picked the fork back up and started moving the rest of the food around her plate, her brows furrowing as she was deep in thought once more within a matter of minutes.
She felt as though she was hanging on by a string and no one noticed, cared, or wanted to save her. At the same time, Josephine wanted to have the strength to save herself, she wished for it every night - but no matter how much she desired freedom and happiness, she would never get it without an actual reason to live. And at that moment, she could not think of any.
"Jo?" a voice called out to her, but it seemed to be coming from far away because she barely registered it.
"Jo, are you listening to me?" the voice persisted.
Sighing quietly, Josephine turned her face to see that Rose was looking at her with deep concern. For a moment, Josephine saw a flicker of her own pain within her cousins' eyes, but she blinked that thought back.
