warmth (sunny & basil)

that's a little embarrassing

January 22nd

I feel like I might go insane. Yesterday, during our picnic, Sunny told me to make him like him before he leaves. Like, what does that even mean!? And how am I supposed to do that!? Why does he keep messing my heart in all sorts of ways?

Basil was a little frustrated at his diary. He could write everything and anything, but nothing seemed to fully explain what he was feeling. He put his notebook aside before he loses his mind any further.

Oh, right, he thought. He wants to meet today at the park again but only us two.

Remembering that made him bury his face onto his pillow. This turn of events was not what he expected in the least. He's happy, but he's also not happy. He doesn't fully understand the concept of love yet. It was new to him, the romantic type of love, the one that made you feel things in your stomach. He felt like a flower being swarmed by butterflies.

He readied himself to go out. It was about 10 minutes until they meet. Opening the door, he is...extremely surprised...to see Sunny standing there.

"There you are," he said. "I've been waiting for a while now."

"Why are you here!?" Basil almost closed the door on him. "And why were you waiting?"

"Um, I -- I don't know..." he scratched his head. "I wanted to see you immediately."

"Don't say that,"

"Hm?"

The shy, blond boy looked down with his reddening face. Sunny thought it was cute.

"Let's just go," Basil went on ahead, leaving the other boy behind. He quickly caught up, though, and walked in front.

They were about the same height when they were kids, but now Sunny's a little taller than him. Seeing his arm sway back and forth, he wanted to hold his hand again, but doing so might be a little sudden...so he chose not to. Basil felt the wind from the passing cars beside him. Sunny noticed this, and quickly switched their positions without saying anything.

"...?" Basil was puzzled, but he paid no more mind into it.

They arrived at the park.

"We were already here yesterday...why did you want to come again?" he asked.

"Huh? No reason," Sunny replied. "There were just too many people."

"They're friends, not people."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what...?"

He looked at him. "I don't know. Being with you is a nice feeling."

If Sunny wasn't careful, he could've stopped Basil's heart at any moment. They sat on the swing, looking at the hazy sky. It was a little cold.

"Sunny..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'll succeed?"

"I can't really tell you, can I?"

He laughed. "I guess you're right. But you told me you don't want me to hope, and this is...kind of opposite from that."

"I'm aware. And I'm sorry if you're already hoping. Maybe just...don't have high expectations?"

"I've never had any expectation to begin with, anyway. It's okay. You can't hurt me."

Basil said that to comfort him, but Sunny felt a little disappointed. Though, at the same time, he also doesn't know what will happen. He's not sure if he can even like him back, but why does he hope for it to happen? He can't understand himself. It felt weird for him, like something's not right, but it also felt good.

He just didn't know that all needed to do was to think through it clearly and accept every part of him. And the part where he can like Basil.

"Tell me," he said, "Everything about how you like me."

"W-What kind of question is that...? That's.. that's a little embarrassing," Basil was too shy to look at him.

"You don't have to do it. But I'm just curious."

"...I don't know it myself, either. It just happened. It's like, one day I realised I...like you. You've always been my best friend, has always been there for me, never left my side. We shared the same trauma, you know? I think you know me better than anyone. We helped each other move pass from the traumatic memories, and always ran to help whenever we felt like we were gonna break down. Like no one understood us more than both of us."

Basil went on, telling his feelings so naturally, as if this was the diary he'd been keeping for months.

"And I like you...because...it's just you, Sunny...I don't think I need a reason. You just make me happy. Very, very happy. I like the way you smile, the way your eyes gleam when you're doing the things you love, and when you're with us. And when you started picking up on your violin again...I love seeing you play. You still hesitate to play for long, but seeing you try, I'm really proud of the person you've become. When you see me take care of my plants, it's so cute how you're so interested in them. I'm not sure if you appreciate my fun facts, but you still listen to them intently. I've told you this before, but you're a good listener. Ah...if I start thinking about the things I love about you, I'm gonna ramble on all day."

Basil was expecting a reply, but there was silence.

"Sunny?"

He turned to him.

It was the first time he'd ever seen a blushing Sunny.