Rip and Tear (Into my A**):(Doomguy X reader)

Something like Suicide (Male Version)

"I slept with him."

The door hit the scuffed wall.

"Again?" For someone whose house had just been broken into, your friend was surprisingly calm. "I'm starting to notice a pattern."

"I know, but just...he's so good. Not just good in bed but also a good person, and he cooks and has awesome music taste, and he's considerate and honorable and so incredibly angry but so in control of it. Dear Death, he even smells nice!"

"Don't tell me you're falling in love with him?"

"No! We're just friends."

"With benefits?"

"Yeah of course!"

"Those seem like some serious benefits, didn't he hunt, prep, and cook salmon for you when you told him you had never had it before?"

"Technically no...he never cooked it because we had it raw."

"Uh huh, and during this sushi date-"

"Not a date!"

"Right, during this 'not' a date, you slept in his bed."

"Yeah, there's only one bedroom!"

"Oh no! Two of you, and only one bed, whatever will you do? If only there was a teleportation device that could take you home in the blink of an eye."

"It wasn't like that. I just got really tired and fell asleep while we were on the couch."

"On the couch doing what?"

"Oh-." you grinned. "-a little of this and a little of that."

"But not sex."

"Well, no."

You had just been holding hands, talking about what you imagined his future restaurant to look like while he smiled at you and made you feel like the luckiest ditz in the world.

"We were just talking. Did you know that once this ends, he's gonna set up a restaurant with a limited menu from all over the world? He used to travel when he was in the marines and makes the most incredible food you've ever had." You could already taste it. "I designed a quick mock up for a really...classic lodge with an elegant, rustic feel, something with a lot of windows and an open floor plan- it even has doors big enough for him to fit through without ducking." You stared off into the distance. "I'm going to rebuild everything that we lost of course, but there's always room for more editions, and I think it would do well as a destination location, with a casual section for a bar and television reruns of old sports games-maybe even new ones! Then there will also be a fine-dining section with a revolving tasting menu and-"

"You said 'we'."

You scoffed.

"No I did not, stop lying!"

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not."

"Oh just shut up and pass me the OJ, I already ate but this hangover is killing me!"

Besides, no pancakes tasted as good as his.