The Unusual Thoughts of November (On Hold)

Chapter Eleven

:-C H A P T E R   E L E V E N-:

After dinner I wonder back up to my room to waste away the rest of my day. I hadn't been there five minutes when a nurse came knocking.

"November Arkwright?"

"Yes," I sigh.

"You have therapy with Dr Stephenson."

"I'm not going."

"And why is that?" She taps her pen against her clipboard impatiently.

"I don't want to," I lie back on the bed.

"You have to go to therapy." I lie for a while in silence but the nurse doesn't leave.

"I'll go if it's with Andrea," I finally huff in hopes that she'll agree and then piss off.

"Andrea? I'm afraid she's busy and you're not assigned to her."

"But I used to see her, I know her."

"It doesn't work like that." I can hear her voice tightening with annoyance. I just look up at the ceiling. Before she finally scribbles something down. "Alright, I'll let you off because It's you first day and I might be able to arrange you to see Andrea tomorrow, but you're going to have to see Dr Stephenson some time or another."

"I'll think about it." She rolls her eyes and leaves.

I can't get lunch out of my head. I never thought I would be so upfront about something like that. After so long of being vague to everyone including myself, I never thought I'd admit it. The single word keeps replaying in my mind.

Yes.

Someone else suddenly knocks as well. Will no one give me any peace? Leah strides in, without me even replying. What was the point in knocking? She takes one look at me.

"Wow, you're boring, do you not do anything?"

"Not really."

"Bet you have loads of friends," She laughs at her own sarcasm.

"Are you usually this annoying?"

"Ooh ouch," She laughs again. "It's nearly lights out, might wanna get ready." I get changed and brush my teeth in the sink before we once again climb back into bed. I can't sleep. Talking to that boy brought up things I used to shove away from my thoughts. Three times. I tried to kill myself three times. Once was the bridge, twice was the knife and thrice was the pills.

Mental.

Psycho.

Selfish.

Crazy Bitch.

Fucked up.

Whacko.

Normal people don't do that.

I can't stand it I need to go outside. The corridors don't make sense. All the doors are locked. I bang on the door and shake the locks but nothing will budge. Up and down the stairs I begin to run around the hospital; desperate for a way out . Eventually I sit with my back to a fire exit. My breaths quicken and I press my head against the doors and then away, back and then away, as my head hits the cold wood faster and faster; harder and harder.

"Woah, woah, woah. Stop that. I thought I was you." Hands grab my shoulders firmly and pull me way from the door. I hit whoever grabbed me. A gasp. I stand up, hands shaking. Andrea kneels awkwardly, wincing as she cradles her shoulder. "November, Calm down." I just shake my head.

"I need to go outside," I mumble.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Look, just come with me," She stands up and I back away. "For Christ's sake, I'm not going to touch you." I follow three steps behind to what I presume to be her room, it looks a lot like mine except there's a bathroom, a double bed and a lock. She locks the door behind her. "You're not supposed to be in here but I won't tell if you don't." I sit down on the bed and put my head in my hands. I don't want her to see my face. "You know, November, it's hard to comfort someone who hates to be touched."

"It depends if I trust you," I say into my hands.

"You don't trust me?"

"No, you don't trust me either."

"Trust, is quite vague isn't it. Trust you with what?" I just shrug in response. "I don't trust you with yourself."

"Of course you'd fucking say that," I spit.

"But yes, I trust you." There's a long silence.

"Am I fucked up, Andrea?"

"Why would you ask that?" She questions.

"Leo asked you once: 'Why is she fucked up?' But I never heard your answer."

"When did you hear that?"

"About two months ago, in the hospital, after I cut my arm open." She winces at my words as she rubs her neck.

"I don't remember."

"Bullshit."

"November..."

"BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT!"

"Calm down."

"No, all I'm ever told is a constant stream of bullshit and why? Because I'm crazy? Because I'm mental? BECAUSE I'M FUCKED UP?!"

"Calm down, you're going to wake everyone up." Andrea says quietly.

"I don't care," my hands are shaking again and I look up at Andrea, tears fill my eyes but none of them drop. "Just let me go outside," my voice cracks.

"There's no way I'm letting you out of this room, let alone outside this hospital."

"Yes, because you don't trust me."

* * * * * * *

Authors Note: So this chapter is dedicated to @BookAddict510 for always leaving lovely comments and being supportive :) I know this chapter is very dialogue heavy, well for me anyway but i hope you enjoy it even if it is short! Have a wonderful day