Song: Afterlife- Timing- Bilmuri; Afterlife- Nothing But Theives
I gave in for a second, ravishing in the feeling of his lips against mine. He pushed me onto the dresser and I pulled him closer by the back of his neck. I then remembered what we were even talking about.
"N-no!" I say pushing him back away from me, "FOR FUCK SAKE THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT GERARD! YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME. I-I try to talk to you, try to be real. And you avoid, you use my feelings against me."
"Y/n. I...Fuck," Gerard says running his hands through his hair. I look down at my feet feeling a tear fall down my cheek.
"I can't do this anymore Gerard. Please, I think you should leave," I say looking toward the window not looking at him. I can't make eye contact with him because if I do then I will completely break down.
"No. No I can't do that. I..I want to talk just. Just give me a moment," He says with his two fingers over his mouth. I just nod slightly and walk over to my bed. I sit down and hug my legs to my chest and lean against the head of my bed. Gerard walks over to my desk and sits down leaning his elbow on his knees. I lock eye contact with him he takes a deep breath before talking.
"Well, I guess that you have heard some stuff from others. But I guess I should tell you from my point of view," Gerard begins, "I haven't always been this bad. I remember when I was young I was always happy. Playing with Mikey, drawing silly cartoons for us, and making my family laugh."
I smile at the thought of them young. Seeing them so small and running around their house. I wish I could have watched it for myself. To see Gerard beaming with excitement for the future.
"I was in school plays when I was younger. My grandmother was the one that got me into singing. I really enjoyed it, as well as drawing. I got most of my creativity from her. As we got older people didn't take too kindly to me being in plays. The boys would pick on me all the time, they would make fun of my weight and Mikey got it by association. I felt guilty for that, it's not his fault that his older brother was a dorky fat drama kid." Gerard continued his story. I could tell that he was having an internal battle within himself. He looked so sad and angry from reliving these memories.
"It's not your fault Gerard. Kids are cruel, there was nothing wrong with you. I wish that you could have seen that for yourself, to see that being talented at something doesn't make you weird," I chimed in. Gerard looked puzzled by my response. Like no one has ever told him that he was, wronged.
"Well, toward the end of middle school we met a girl on our bus named Karly. I was immediately head over heels for her. She was the most beautiful girl that I had seen in my young life, the thought of her even having any interest in talking to Mikey or me was too much for my pubescent mind to handle. But she did, and we all became inseparable. She helped me get back into drawing, showed me that I was worth something. I wanted to ask her out so many times, to tell her how I felt but I was too scared. I was scared that if I spoke it out loud that she would laugh at me and tell me that I was too much of a loser for someone for her. In my mind I was, she was this Goddess and I was just a small speck under her shoe. She stood up for Mikey and me when I wasn't man enough to. I was scared of my own fucking shadow, weak, and I hated it. She had a Playstation that we ended up begging our parents for and one day I was on live and this annoying little voice came over the Bluetooth calling everyone so many names. I was really good at the game because I had nothing better to do, he started following me around the map, and after we friended each other on PS. I swear he would check every hour to see if I was on so he could be on my team. Karly used to come over every day so we all got to talking and I found out his name was Frank. He didn't live too far from us and Karly gave me the courage to get his number and meet up. We all did, Frank told us about the school that he was going to go to for High School, our school. When he explained that bands were the popular kids it felt like all the pieces were falling into place, I didn't have to hide anymore. Karly was there to cheer me on, I had an actual friend, and Mikey and I were becoming closer again. After our hang out, I ran home and told my parents about this school. I think they were just happy to see me so passionate about something that they agreed. Even Mikey was excited and he learned how to play bass just so he could be with us. Frank knew Ray already and they were planning on making a band so I offered Mikey and me up. We practiced all summer before High School, with Karly attending every practice. She gave us feedback, encouraged us to do things out of the box. She was really my muse for everything that I did, she even picked out my outfits sometimes," Gerard said.
