The Flying Dreams

CHAPTER FORTY ONE

Shifa didn't comment on my swollen eyes, and I repaid the favour by not saying a thing about her ridiculously big yellow sweater, she had folded the sleeves and they still covered her knuckles. Of course, she looked too cute in it, and I had to avert my stare before she sensed it on her back. She walked a step ahead of me and went toward the kitchen counter without a word, leaving me there to make my choice of following her into the kitchen or going to the living room. I took the route to the living room and as I came face to face with the sofa, my feet froze and images of Shifa bent over the girl, making a curtain around their faces with her hair flooded inside my brain and instead of sitting there, I dropped my weight on the floor, leaning on the table and watched as the tiniest hint of orange glow cut through the window and spread on the floor. The sweet smell of ginger and cardamom filled the air and my breath calmed, matching the smooth and warmth of the comfort of the aroma wrapping itself around me, I stole a moment to look behind me at Shifa and the shock of finding her eyes already on me never came. Her gaze flickered between me and the window and then back at the pot, but I remained fixated on her, the shame and guilt my mind usually carried along with each stolen look waned or perhaps I just didn't want to think about sins and disgrace when Shifa stood there and seemed to be the most captivating creature the creator had made. She was so beautiful and the more I looked at her, the more enthralling she became.

"Your wedding date had been decided. Excited?"

Despite the sudden increase in my heart rate, I held her gaze and wondered if she started the conversation with this on a purpose. I waited till she poured the tea into the cups and placed them on the tray and took the offered tea while she sat on the sofa, no longer in my view. A good omen.

"Yes. Can't contain the excitement."

She laughed and the table vibrated behind my shoulders, she must have put her feet on it.

"Say it with a little enthusiasm and I might believe you."

I didn't share in her laugh and took a sip from my red mug. The rising sun was visible on the horizon through the window and after hours of going through two different kinds of heartbreak, I felt a little at ease. The sun and warm tea in the cold winter morning could cure the worst of pain, surely mine was not the cruellest. It couldn't be if I had the luxury of sitting there and watching the world wake up.

"Adia?"

"Hm?"

"Are you not happy?"

Detaching my eyes from the window, I canted my neck and faced her. Dwelling in the options of being true with her or smiling the lie, I blinked and the sheer amount of worry I saw written all over her face told me that I didn't have to lie. Not to her. She would understand, if not Zoya. The thought hurt me, but the reality was beginning to emerge, and I had to admit it to someone else other than my own reflection in the mirror.

The steam emitting from the tea covered half her face, and without thinking I reached and waved my free palm in the below her chin, clearing the air around.

"I will be."

I waited, patiently for a touch of pity or even discomfort upon knowing that her cousin's bride-to-be was not at all thrilled to be wedded to him but nothing of sort caressed Shifa's face. Instead, her lips pursued and she cast her gaze on her lap for a second before meeting my stare once again and, I thought she was going to say something but only a small hint of a smile grazed her lips and took off her feet from the table. I furrowed my brows at her sudden move and tilted my cup from her way. Walking around the sofa, she raised a finger and sauntered off to her room. For a moment, I stared at her back and then returned my attention to the orange glow and the sun. It might be just my own prejudices, but my heart felt a little lighter and breath a little easier, though small fragments of Shifa with the girl still flashed before my eyes like a haunting insult, constantly reminding me where I stood with her. She just regarded me as her future cousin in law and I was there getting offended by her romance. Whom she kissed in the privacy of her home was none of my business, I tried to hammer the fact on my brain but... the walls were too fragile to take on a single truth.

Shifa returned with her phone in hand and as she passed by me toward the TV, a grin played along the corner of her mouth. I caught myself smiling and quickly raised the cup to my mouth. I stayed silent until she turned to face me, her hands were clasped behind her back and as stupid as she looked rocking on her feet like a child, I found her nothing less than the most adorable sight to view.

Soon, the sound of slow piano filled the room. Shifa was still standing before me, and it dawned on me what she was trying to do as the song progressed. She knew that I had understood and without a warning, a laugh bubbled out of my throat and her grin widened. I locked my whole attention on her nearing face, bowing over her torse, she tipped her head to be face to face with me and raised a brow teasingly. Her finger tapped on the back of my palm and a chill ran through me, which I was sure she must have noticed because her slight touch was gone in an instant and a strange look settled on her face.

"Come on." She extended her hand.

Normally, I would have laughed and declined, too mortified to even entertain the idea but the soothing tune of the song she played, and her smile urged me to take the offered hand. I put the cup on the table alongside Shifa's and rose from the floor. Her fingers were starting to enclose above mine, and I expected the familiar tremble her touch gave me but all I found there was a new warmth. I had never done this, sure with Zoya, I had run around, waving, and throwing my limbs around and called it dancing in childhood but of course, she was not Zoya nor were we kids anymore. That made me want to know about her childhood but forcing the curiosity down my spine, I smiled at her and got a rewarding beam in return.

Sensing my lack of knowledge on what to do, Shifa wrinkled her nose and for the first time, I noticed the tiniest hint of pink on her cheeks. I couldn't take my eyes off her and she couldn't meet them. Being taller than me, didn't it hurt her neck to be angled so low?

Bringing my hand over her shoulder, she finally held my stare, "Okay?"

I glanced at my hand resting meekly and with a spurt of courage, gripped the fabric of her sweater and nodded. Everything about Shifa heightened my sense of awareness but standing in the middle of the small living room with her, her hand holding about my waist, the touch gentle but assuring and the soft melody of the song filling in the silence did not escalate my nervousness. For once, in her presence, I felt completely calm. No pounding heartbeat in my ear and no short breath.

Her feet moved and I followed her pace. My eyes lingered on the rising glow of the sun, spreading on the floor and I didn't remember inclining my head and only a caress in my hair reminded me that I had at some point, rested my face against her arm. Shifa's fingers remained tangled in my hair and her fingers massaged my scalp. We had somehow stopped moving around and just stood there until the song changed and Shifa's touch was gone.

"I have always wanted to dance on this song with someone."

"Didn't you with that girl?"

Regret immediately shocked me. Jerking my head to face her and apologise, I heard her speak.

"I never felt comfortable doing this with her."

I ran my mind to come up with a good enough response but what she implied in the small confession took away my knowledge of words.

"Adia? Will you do me the honours and share this dance with me? Please?"

Laughing at her stupid raise of brows and the playful smile tugging at her lips, I mimicked her bow and felt so foolish. "Yes."

The next few minutes, my lips kept stretching more and more until it physically hurt to bring them close and Shifa's face held the most tender look I had seen on anyone, that scared me a bit but I wasn't going to let that stop me from feeling happy after a long time. I understood then why people said that home is a feeling because dancing in the narrow space of her flat, I felt every part of me at home and wondered what went behind her eyes.

"I am sorry. About last night."

I didn't think she wanted me to reply, so I just nodded and let her spin me around. In the 22 years, I did not suppress my laughter when she drew me in and my head accidently hit her chin.