The Flying Dreams

CHAPTER TEN

I woke up the next day and for a moment as I sat on the bed, my mind got tricked and I thought I was back in my own room, the slow and hushed sound of ayats coming from the next room where ummi used to offer her prayers of all five times. I mostly did it in my own room except for Friday's namaz, but ummi had something against calling Allah's name in the room where we slept. Impure, Adia jan, she once scolded me when I asked her why she couldn't just pray in her room, and I always found it funny how her whole face got scrunched up in embarrassment that her own daughter would dare utter such nonsense. How indecent. I would have to apologize to our Wahab for handling my disappointment to him, she had said as we were cutting the vegetables for meat stew. 

But the confusion soon disappeared and in a panicked state, I grabbed the phone which lay uselessly on the bedside table. 4:24, the numbers on the screen somehow calmed me down. I was still early and wouldn't miss my morning namaz. I honestly had no idea how I would tell my mother that I missed a prayer while being free from my menstruation cycle, but I did know how she would react. Careless. How could you sleep through your alarm? Missing the morning prayer? She would say and I hated how clear and sharp her voice sounded in my mind even when she was miles away. 

There was still plenty of time left and I decided not to go back to sleep, I opened my phone, and the bright light almost made my eyes tear up. A small white cat in a wooden woven basket was on the lock screen and the cat's ears were hidden behind the white numbers of the digital clock. Wahab had saved most of the contacts in my phone and he had advised me not to download any other chatting app as it might distract me. For your own good, Adia. Why waste time on those apps when I usually call you instead of texting? And as much as I appreciated his concerns for me, I remembered way too vividly how hard it had been to forget his words, to erase them from my mind. It is too easy for girls like you to get stuck in those colourful designs, you know? I had imagined a dozen different outcomes of that conversation in my head and in each one, I ended up smiling and nodding. Not once did I dare to ask, what do you mean by girls like me? Without a touch on the phone, I placed it in its right place. My mood quickly dampening as I thought of Wahab. He hadn't called me last night, which I appreciated. Because had he actually called and told me how easily he had expected me to handle the kitchen matters without consulting me first, I knew I wouldn't be able to respect him the same way. I couldn't say no to him, but my yes would have been no better than a straight-up 'no'. Besides, because of my last chat with Shifa, I hadn't wanted Wahab to call me and by some miracle, he didn't. Nor did my mother, which to my utter surprise, felt like a relief.

After taking a long breath and stretching out my arms, I got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. My hair was tied in a knot below my shoulder blades, and I didn't bother straightening my clothes as I knew Shifa would be asleep in her own room, locked doors and all. Three days and I hadn't seen her pray once. Did Wahab know this? He used to leave a message on my brother's phone as soon as he woke up for the morning prayer and that's how I knew he didn't miss even one time of namaz. And his cousin, a female cousin missed the most important prayer. Shifa was a daughter of Wahab's father's younger brother, and I had met her mother once or twice at family functions. I couldn't connect those two dots to one thread. Her mother had not unwrapped her headscarf even in the ladies' room and mouthed surahs every five minutes while her own daughter paraded around in shorts. Did Shifa's mother know about her daughter's behaviour? I guess, not. 

When I walked toward the washroom, the whole space was covered in darkness and to my utter surprise, Shifa's voice came from the small balcony of her apartment. I tried to mind my own business and just finish my private thing, but she talked, or more like, shouted on the phone and had yet to feel another presence. I had never considered myself as an eavesdropper, but I stayed rooted in my place. Hearing each and every word coming out of her mouth and getting even more confused.

"Yes, I know. Do you think I wanted this? For real?"

I wasn't new to the concept of girls having boyfriends and boys having girlfriends. Wahab had told me about his own past girlfriends, and it didn't really matter to me much to my surprise and my cousin, Zoya's. They were his past, and I was to become his future. But the way, Shifa addressed the person on the other line, I knew it was not some boy but a girl which should have kept me at my place but as her voice sounded nearer, I felt the sudden wave of guilt, but it was too late to move away. So, I listened. Shifa seemed to be getting angry, and her words came out sharper.

"You know that I can't. Would you stop it?"

I had never wished to have some supernatural power to hear things. I wanted to know what they were talking about but could only hear Shifa. I waited, but she stayed silent, and a distant sound of azan coerced me to take my leave. As I offered my prayer, I couldn't get Shifa's voice out of my head. I tried to think of something else, tried to think of all the consequences I might face in the court of Allah for eavesdropping on someone's private talk. But nothing could make the replay of Shifa's angry words stop. She talked to a girl as I would to Wahab. Or maybe, I only assumed. Perhaps, she talked to all her girlfriends like that. How would I  know? I had only my cousins, not friends. Besides, I thought, I hadn't even known the topic of their conversation. But they were clearly arguing, and it had to be something serious if Shifa was up and shouting at 4 o'clock. Either she woke up or hadn't gone to sleep altogether.

With a long sigh, I turned around and reached for my phone. Whatever Shifa did was not my concern and I had already violated her privacy in her own flat. With a final vow to myself that I won't do that to her again, I set up another alarm and went to sleep.