Unfortunate tragic events rush by in a blur
Their voices come as only a mumble to my ears
Time is in a permanent state of fast forward
Familiar faces plastered with pity
They display their grief online for likes
I'm sure mean well but I am not well
I stare into the space of nothingness
Before I realize it an hour passes by
It feels like a singular blink
I turn my head to the left
A blank white wall in view
Absent of the still memories I cherished
I can't handle reminders
It's easier to pretend if I can't see
The walls echo as I clear my throat
It's chilly in here
Goosebumps form on my arms
City's hustle is now my white noise
Anonymity sounded safe
I need to feel safe again
Everything is foreign
I try to open my mouth to scream
Words escape me
My light has dimmed and I'm faded
I'm unrecognizable to myself
I was wild and free once
Vibrant with life and bravery
I ran in the weeds and wildflowers
Filled a home with love and pastries
Chased never ending sunsets
Begged for time to slow
Sipped on the finer things
Listened to the crickets chirp
Read books on a porch swing
It feels as if that was someone else's life
Nowadays my boldness has checked out
Fear grips it's cold fingers around me
Grief firmly holding me sedentary
Ears start ringing and my throat gets tight
A sob threatening to bubble up
My legs are too heavy to carry me
How do I move forward
Is it even possible to do so
Everything I thought I knew is gone
It's a curse feeling everything so deeply
There is no night sky here
No stars to gaze in wonderment
This place as empty as I am
I Inhale a short breath
It catches and my vision blurs
The wet saltiness hits my lips
I exhale and wonder if this is it
Maybe my sanity will finally fall away
There is madness in my sorrow
A likeness to a soldier after war
Irrecoverably damaged
My apathy for life has grown
What is the point of all of this
Existing is exhausting
I entwine my fingers in my lap
Looking down my hands are shaking
Much like the events that have shaken me
Your choice took choices from me
Now what do I do with this
I stare at the blank walls searching for answers
Knowing I will never find them
Thunder cracks I snap back to reality
What happens when you are the last one
When the light starts to fade
When there is nothing to fight for
My soul is tired
I close my eyes another tear falls
I crave a peace only death knows
