The forgotten kid. (On hold)

Painful past- Breakup and Makeup

Krist narrates his story to Knot (Part 3):

True to his word, P'Beam improved himself and focused more on P'Forth. Their relationship was going better as always. Things were smooth on their end. 

I also imagined having a happy time with my bf but in reality, had to deal with a bf who was upset about the fact that his baby was acting all grown up and mature. 

Dad even scolded him for being irrational. He said that P'Beam was focusing on his own life and future, so he should also do the same to which P'Sing just gave a small nod.

Still, we both started to spend more time with each other. It's not like I alienated him from everyone else, especially his baby, but just started to focus a little on our lives too.

Even while on double dates or the family meets, P'Beam started talking to me more and focused on everyone instead of being the center of attention. He actually impressed me.

I liked how he appreciated me and my work in uni while I started loving his company. We even started sharing little secrets with each other. Everything went well until my fight with P'Sing.

At that time, P'Sing wanted to take me on a vacation or to be more precise, he wanted to tag along with P'Forth and P'Beam as they were going on a vacation for 2 weeks. 

I knew that if we 4 went together, I would be left out again seeing my dearest bf's antics. Though P'Beam improved a lot, the other 2 were way too oblivious or probably didn't care about it.

 Can you imagine, P'Sing got mad at me when I denied going with them and suggested going to some other place with him only. It was like I said the most horrible thing in the world.

He pointed that it would be better if we all go along and enjoy while I suggested that they should go alone to spend time together as couples and we should do the same.

I mentioned how we always get that family time or bonding time whenever we go on a double dates and family dinners. He sulked the whole week for the same and didn't talk to me.

Dad had to mediate again seeing us ignoring each other. He suggested us to have a good talk with each other 1st about our feelings and then think about other things.  

I thought about it and tried to talk him out about my insecurities all this while thinking that it would help him understand my point of view and resolve the issues, but it led to a fight. 

It wasn't the 1st time or last time though, but it started getting more frequent. I always got angry seeing his behavior, and he always tried convincing me that I was overthinking and nothing else.

He said that he cared and loved me but I stood on my points. He always ensured me that he will understand me more, but his change was only temporary even after constant reassurances.

I was agitated, angry, and going crazy with everything to a point that we had a massive fight at the end of that month. The vacation was long forgotten by the way.

I didn't notice that I ranted all my feelings and insecurities to him that I never said out loud last time to not hurt him. That day, without a 2nd thought, he broke up with me in an instant.

Our voices were so loud that we didn't see anyone else in his house. Unknown to us, Dad along with P'Beam, and P'Forth who arrived at that time heard us. 

I was so shocked to even care about any other presence or process what was happening. I still remember how I walked out of there the moment he shouted at me. 

After that, P'Beam tried to talk to me and apologize for everything on call, but I heard P'Forth talking at the back who stopped him saying that they should not interfere in a couple's fight. 

Days went by, none of us talked to each other and I was a crying mess in my dorm. You have seen all that (Krist asks and Knot nods), how I didn't even go to college.

That man never called me or even texted me. One day, P'Forth suddenly showed up at my dorm unannounced. I was happy that at least someone bothered to show up. 

I expected him to calm his nong and be by his side as a brother should do or at least be sensible enough to not do anything stupid, but who the fuck was I kidding. 

That man dared to confront me about being jealous of his Beam. That great brother of mine was mad that I was acting like an immature kid instead of being the smart person as I always was.

He said being cooped up in the dorm won't give a solution to any problem. He said the same to P'Sing. He suggested that I and P'Sing should try to solve the problems rather than cry all day.

Who could make him understand what I went through? Who could make him understand anything about me when that fucking person wasn't ever there?

Even my admiration and love for P'Beam faded away who despite knowing everything, couldn't make his dearest bf and phi understand a thing for this long like was he even trying?.

I know that he acted all better after our talk, but now after all this, I didn't have that big of a heart to let him in again. Call me whatever you want but I was done. (Krist says coldly)

I never wanted his lover, but only my phi who disappointed me with his absence. I never wanted his brother, but my bf who once said that he will love me till eternity and broke up in a minute.

If P'Forth didn't know anything, then I won't be affected by his behavior, but he knew the whole situation and was still nowhere near me to console me except that 1 day for his great speech. 

I know how he mention about his stupid love and care for me, but he could have shown me that to me at least once even if fake. If not in front of world, then at least in front of me just once.

But, how could he when he had the most important task of consoling his crying bf who was on a self blaming mode. Isn't that of great importance instead checking on an immature kid like me.

I don't understand like what was the fucking point of all P'Forth's hidden care and love that he spoke of all these years when none of that shit couldn't even reach me? 

Though, I saw every single effort P'Beam made to make things right between me and P'Sing, but my hatred was grown enough to ignore all that crap. I wasn't ready to put my hopes high. 

Then, out of the blue, P'Sing appeared at my dorm room next weekend much to my disbelief. I just ignored him and all his pleas. He pleaded for a week to get back with him. 

Remember his nonending calls and messages. (Krist asks and Knot nods as he was there with him at that time) I tried to continue ignoring him, but my heart ached seeing all his efforts. 

And there people, being the lovesick fool I was, I agreed to get back with him after all his convincing and hoped that everything will work out this time now that he understands me.

Still, I maintained my distance with P'Beam to get my peace of mind and even P'Beam tried to act less spoiled and more mature in front of P'Sing giving us our much-needed space. 

P'Sing and P'Forth were surprisingly understanding and didn't force any of us over the other. Even dad, the wisest one, was happy to see the changes and things finally going the right way.