Trigger warning: Self harm!
A/n so I don't normally do authors notes, but I wanted to say thank you for the reviews and reads, although 230 isn't that many it still means a lot to me and I wanted to say a big thank you. :)
You had seen him do, you loved him and he had kissed her. Okay so maybe he didn't know you lived him, but it was the hope that he did that kept you going. It hurt like hell, but it also meant he didn't love you back.
You hadn't done it since your last year at the academy, you stopped because you met Leonard then and everything slipped into place, and being an engineer meant you got injured enough to see him.
"Y/n it's me Uhura let me in" you hear through the not ceasing banging on the door. Uhura was you best friend, you had been close since your first year at starfleet academy and knew what you were you thinking about. "Nyota I'm fine, I swear, I just want to sleep." you say haphazardly. "Okay comm me if you need me." she says before leaving. Her footsteps leading away caused you to slide down your door, tears streaming down your face.
It's at that point you knew what you had to do, you lock the door and head to your box underneath your bed, just because you hadn't done it in years doesn't mean you binned your blades. You pick one up, the silver metal feels cols against your skin, you place it on you wrist. The first cut stings bit you feel immune to its pain, red beads start to firm at the line. You cut again and again till your wrist is covered in blood.
The room starts blurring and spinning, you lie down on the floor staring up at the ceiling. "y/n open up. It's me Leonard." you hear through the door. 'like he cares about me' you think. "y/n... Y/n." he says. You think he's gone until your door opens and in a flash he's by your side. "How'd you get in here?" you ask in a hoarse whisper. "Medical override. Keep your eyes open for me darlin' please" he says the last bt after a brief silence while looking at your wrist, you try to follow his instructions and keep your eyes open, but darkness takes over.
You wake up to the sound Leonards voice talking to someone. A nurse probably. You try to open your eyes but the light stings them. "Your awake." Leonards says relief flooding your voice. "You passed out from blood loss, I'm a doctor so I know you probably don't wanna talk about it, but as someone who cares about you, why."
Your heart feels torn as he says the words "I fell in love with someone who doesn't love me." you say looking down at your wrist, all the scars are gone and it looks like nothing happened. "Who doesn't love you, your beautiful, smart, sarcastic and dammit but I love you." he says tears forming in his eyes looking at your own teary eyes. "You kissed that other girl in the gold dress though." you didn't even want to know her name. "She kissed me, you walked in at the wrong moment." he says. "Leonard... I love you too." you whisper so quietly you think he can't hear it, from the lack of reaction. However he places his hands on your cheeks and kisses you gently.
