Counting To Fifteen [Grey's Anatomy]

chapter forty seven - apologies & heavens

Daisy kept her head glued to the wooden desk in Calypso's room, pen in her hand as she wrote on the piece of paper in front of her.

It was an exercise Dr. Perkins had encouraged, her "homework" before their next session.

"I want you to write down the things that scare you, and the things that don't, and we can compare the lists the next time you come in." Dr. Perkins had requested of the girl. "Writing it out can help you better visualize all of it."

Though Daisy wasn't sure she could possibly fit all of her fears onto one list. Daisy had far too many things that scared her in life, there was hardly anything she wasn't afraid of.

Daisy supposed she could argue that she was scared of every single thing, and she decided to just focus on the most pressing fears in her life.

The girl underlined the title of her list, making bullet points underneath for each fear that pressed so harshly against her brain.

Points of fear:
   • Bacteria
• Sweat
• Blood
• Death
• People (Mr. Walter)
• Red dinner plates
   • Mark leaving
   • August dying
   • Never getting better

Daisy started a new list directly below the one she had written out, trying to wrack her brain to come up with things that didn't scare her.

Points of safety;
• Fifteen
• Blue sweaters
• People (Mark, Callie, Arizona, August)

Daisy's pen stilled. She tried to come up with more, but she couldn't. Daisy couldn't think of anything else that she wasn't afraid of, and she was disappointed that her fears outnumbered her vessels of safety by three times as much.

Daisy was incredibly discouraged by her cowardice, scowling as she folded her paper up into as many tiny squares as possible. She thought the writing exercise was incredibly stupid, and she sort of thought Dr. Perkins was stupid for making her do it in the first place.

Mark appeared in the doorway of Calypso's room, clearly having come to talk to Daisy, but stopping when he saw the girl sat folding a paper over and over and over.

"What are you doing?"

"Homework." Daisy explained, the girl not technically lying. It was her psychiatric homework. It would be far too embarrassing to admit to Mark that she had to write out a whole list of things she was afraid of. It was tenfold embarrassing that her fears outnumbered the things she wasn't afraid of.

"Are you supposed to be doing origami with your homework?" Mark questioned, fairly certain no teacher wanted to have to unfold a homework assignment ten times just to read it.

Daisy let out a drawled sigh, pushing her paper to the side as she kept her head rested against the cool wooden desk. "What do you want?"

"Sorry?"

"You came in here because you want something. Or you want to ask me something, or you want to give me one of those pep talks that never work. I'm just asking which it is."

Mark picked up on the edge in Daisy's voice, the slight snap in her tone. "I sort of feel like you're upset with me."

"I'm not upset with you, I'm just upset in general. Do I have to be happy all the time?"

Mark frowned as he noted that Daisy was definitely upset with him, thinking for a moment before speaking up. "Is this because I said you're not allowed to see your boyfriend?"

Daisy snapped her eyes sharply over to Mark at the "boyfriend" comment that peeved her more than anything. She felt like Mark was teasing her, and that made her frustrated.