Counting To Fifteen [Grey's Anatomy]

chapter thirty seven - familiarities

Daisy didn't feel quite so crazy anymore, and she thought it was because of the medicine she had started taking. Daisy had gotten relatively better with handling her thoughts and emotions.

Of course, though, there was always margin for error. Daisy had her next big breakdown at school.

Daisy was still worried that something bad was coming. There was far too much happiness for things to just be good. The universe was setting her up.

Daisy sat alone at lunch, not having an appetite and opting to just drink from her water bottle instead as she thought.

It was April already, and things had been going pretty well since February. Surely if something bad were to happen, it would've already happened by now...right?

But maybe that's what she was supposed to expect. She knew particularly well that death didn't abide by time limits.

Daisy was so scared of death. It was a rational fear, she thought. Right up there with bears, which she thought was equally appropriate given the commonality of the mammal in Washington. And bears are everywhere in Canada, which is equally frightening considering Washington borders Canada and bears plague Canada. Bears own Canada, and what's to stop all the bears in Canada from lurking over into Washington? Then they'd be everywhere in Washington, and Daisy wouldn't be able to even walk a block without running into a hungry and pissed off mama bear, and then Daisy would really have to worry about death because bears would rule the world and...and...

Daisy closed her eyes, trying to reframe her thoughts, a technique that Dr. Sen had taught her for when her thoughts started to spiral out of control.

There aren't any bears that live at Daisy's middle school. There aren't any bears that live at home. There aren't any bears casually strolling the streets of downtown Seattle.

Daisy is at school, Daisy spoke to herself in her head. Daisy isn't going to be mauled by a bear. Daisy is going to go home afterschool, and home is safe. There aren't any bears at home. Daisy is going to go home and eat dinner with Mark and Calypso. Bears would hate Mark's cooking anyway, so it all works out perfectly. Home is safe. Daisy is going to go home soon.

Daisy probably looked like she was meditating to any outside viewer when in reality she was trying to prevent a nervous breakdown because God bears are scary.

Daisy wanted to go home. She felt herself spiraling, and she didn't want anybody looking at her when she did. She wanted to be alone, and safe at home in the comfort of her bear-less apartment, and...something bad was going to happen, wasn't it?

Being OCD, of course that wasn't really anything new. Daisy sort of always thought something bad was going to happen if she didn't do what her brain told her to. Just last week, she'd had a nervous meltdown in the self-checkout line of the grocery store because her brain told her she needed to scan the canned peaches twelve times or they'd get into a car wreck on the way home. Mark, of course, wouldn't let her, because nobody in their right mind wanted to pay for the same can of peaches scanned twelve times.

It wasn't until Daisy started crying because Mark didn't understand, they were gonna die on the way home that the man begrudgingly paid the extra charge. Daisy had undoubtedly saved them from death, she knew she had, but she knew she wouldn't ever be allowed to go to the grocery store ever again.

This feeling she had was so different than just her obsessive-compulsiveness coming through, though. She genuinely felt like she had to constantly be alert, like something was coming, and that scared her. Her mind went to death, as it always did since she had grown so familiar with the monster. Daisy didn't want to die. Daisy didn't want Calypso to die. Daisy didn't want Mark to die. Daisy didn't want Callie to die, or Arizona, or Naomi, or...or even her obnoxious English teacher.